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You are here: Home / Archives for What Not To Do

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Her Weight?

August 2, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

I’m dealing with an issue with my partner that I’m not sure how to handle. I’m a 32 year old straight male who has recently come off a long single streak. I’m settling into a new relationship with younger woman which is going swimmingly with one glaring issue. My partner in the past year lost a good deal of weight, to the tune of over 70 lbs. At the moment I’d say she is still 10-20lbs short of a truly attractive and healthy weight. When I got into our relationship I took this as a sign of someone who had decided to turn their life around and get healthy, something I can really respect. As our relationship has progressed however I have realized that she has decided that her current weight is perfect and ideal. This may have something to do with her friends and family who seem to delight in teasing her for being “so small”. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with this on several levels.

On a superficial level I just would love to see the woman I love looking as good as possible. More importantly however I have a personal hangup with false body positivity. I don’t mind people being overweight however I have a very hard time with people who glorify fat as “curvy” or simply deny the state of their bodies. I am a reasonably attractive individual but far from perfect and I constantly work to improve how I look and I’m very open about my continuing commitment to health. In contrast my partner seems to reflect the image of being tiny that her friends and family tease her about back without consideration of her actual weight. This is what I have the most trouble with as whenever she makes a comment glorifying something about her weight and how tiny she is I know I freeze up as it really rubs me the wrong way.

I’m aware that this is a personal issue with me, not necessarily her, but it is something that I know I need to deal with in order for us to continue to have a long term relationship. On the flip side however I’m unsure how to have the conversation in a way that doesn’t come off as “hey, I think you’re fat”.

Would love any suggestions you may have as to how I can deal with this!

Not Looking For A Little Extra

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Ask Dr. NerdLove, What Not To Do Tagged With: ask dr. nerdlove, ask him out already, awkward crushes, body image, body positivity, communication, crushes, how about no, inconvenient crush, just ask him out, weight loss, what not to do

Understanding the Hot/Creepy Matrix (Or: The Hot Celebrity Exception)

May 27, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Everyone has their guilty pleasures: things that they do that they would probably refuse to admit to in public. I mean, I don’t, but that’s mostly because I had my sense of guilt surgically removed in 2006, but, y’know. Everyone else does.

And that’s between you and your Google history, chief

One of the closest things I have to a guilty pleasure is the relationships.txt twitter feed. Having the best – or at least, most what-and-I-can’t-stress-this-enough-the-FUCK – parts of Reddit delivered to my Twitter timeline on a regular basis gives me my daily dose of both rage and reassurance that I will never be out of work. Plus on occasion, there’s a story that serves as a prime example of some of the things I warn people about.

And then there’re stories that in and of themselves are interesting… but it’s the reactions they provoke that are more interesting.

Such is the case of the Jailbait Birthday Creeper.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Meeting Women, Men Behaving Badly, What Not To Do Tagged With: attraction, boundaries, creepers, dating, Don't Be A Creeper, emotional intelligence, entitlement, it's still creepy when they're hot, Meeting Women, understanding boundaries, understanding women, what not to do

Episode #111 – This Is Why Women Won’t Date You (And How To Fix it)

April 10, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Young men are having less sex than ever. But what’s more important is how you respond to that information. Here’s what’s ruining your chances with women.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

▶︎ How “why are men having less sex” is the wrong question

▶︎ The #1 reason why men ruin their chances with women

▶︎ How your attitude affects your love life

▶︎ The problem with “women are too picky”

▶︎ What a toxic waste monster can teach you about attraction

RELATED LINKS:

▶︎ This Is Why You Fail With Women

▶︎ The Trouble With Incels

▶︎ Which Matters More, Looks Or Personality?

▶︎ A Man’s Guide To Being Happy About Being Single

▶︎ Become Someone Worth Dating

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcripts available at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Filed Under: Podcasts, What Not To Do Tagged With: dating women, dealbreakers, entitlement, improve your attitude, Meeting Women, negative attitude, podcasts, the grimes test, what not to do, youtube

Post Mortem – Textual Harassment

June 29, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

On occasion, I’ll get a request for advice on a situation that’s more layered and complex than a typical Ask Dr. NerdLove question. These questions typically need a deeper dive into just what went wrong, a sort of exploratory emotional surgury – a dating Post-Mortem if you will. On other occasions, the circumstances require more than just surgery. Sometimes it requires a session with The Chair Leg of Truth.

Listen to the Chair Leg of Truth. It does not lie.

So come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab. It’s time to put on the scrubs and dig into this particular corpse.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Ask Dr. NerdLove, Men Behaving Badly, What Not To Do Tagged With: apologies, Don't Be A Creeper, drunk texting, harrassment, how NOT to apologize, incel, post-mortem, red pill, redemption, responsibility, sexual harassment

Can We Learn How To Date from Games?

March 28, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey NerdLovers: I’m right in the middle of moving into the new office/studio, which means that there isn’t going to be a new podcast this week. But I don’t want to leave you all hanging, which is why I’m going to do something special. This Sunday, I’ll be doing a livestream hangout on YouTube, finishing up a bit more of the infamous Super Seducer game, taking some live questions and having a good time. Stream starts at 5 and will probably go until 7-ish. Come, bring your questions, bring your snark for Super Seducer. Be there or… be somewhere else, I’m not your manager. Follow me on Twitter for all the latest updates.

Meanwhile, you can see the first couple hours of the (ahem) experience:

Filed Under: What Not To Do, wtf

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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Recent Comments

  • Enail Or I wonder if they're getting the sense he's actively keeping her from them, beyond just normal "spending all your time with new boyfriend?" If she brings him to everything she does with her friends,...

    Are They Not Interested, Or Are They Playing “Hard To Get”? ·  December 14, 2019

  • rullerofallmarmalade Based on my own personal experience, I dont think she actually likes him but just likes the attention. There's something very nice about knowing that someone wants you very badly despite you not...

    Are They Not Interested, Or Are They Playing “Hard To Get”? ·  December 13, 2019

  • primrose I was also confused how LW1 went from resenting attention to missing it and having feelings. But I suppose she may always have like the guy but couldn't concentrate on something like that before she'd...

    Are They Not Interested, Or Are They Playing “Hard To Get”? ·  December 13, 2019

  • fuzzilla **My friends want me to breakup with him because they say they don’t see me anymore.** Yeah, it seems weird to be like, "You can be our friend OR have a boyfriend, but not have both," rather than...

    Are They Not Interested, Or Are They Playing “Hard To Get”? ·  December 13, 2019

  • primrose I saw this vibe but I also saw a LOT of pressure from friends to dump him which seems weird. So I don't think we really do know how LW feels

    Are They Not Interested, Or Are They Playing “Hard To Get”? ·  December 13, 2019

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