Over the years, there’s been an interesting evolution amongst nerds. Growing up in the 80s, the nerd avatar meant tape-wrapped coke-bottle-lens glasses, plaid short-sleeved button-downs , acne, bad hair, pocket-protectors and and high-water poly-blend slacks. In this day and age, those are far more likely to be hipsters. Instead the modern nerd is far more likely to be wearing a melangé of punk and hip-hop fashion, matching oversized baggy jeans with wallet chain, studded leather belt and a Slipknot or faux-vintage Spider-Man t-shirt, all conveniently supplied by the local Hot Topic.
But regardless whether one’s image runs to the old-school or the modern, one thing remains true… Fashion. You’re Doing It Wrong. And that’s part of what’s holding you back.
Prior to my own personal transformation, I initially had the attitude of “Fuck fashion, I wear what I want! And it’s comfortable!”, just as many of my nerd-compatriots do today. However, underneath that carefully cultivated disdain, I eventually had to admit the truth: I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Most of my rebellious attitude was born out of the fact that, ultimately, I didn’t know what looked good and what didn’t. Looking around today, I can see that most people are making the exact same mistakes I made back in the day.
So let’s start fixing that, shall we?
To start with, almost everyone is wearing the wrong size. And out of that group, it’s almost universal that your clothes are too big. XXL shirts on a M to L frame, relaxed-fit jeans… it’s a sad. Clothing, for geeks, tends to be more than a little obfuscatory. Because they don’t feel – rightly or wrongly – that they measure up to a particular body ideal, geeks have a tendency to wear clothing as camouflage, trying to hide their perceived imperfections underneath a protective layer of cloth. It’s the nerd equivalent of trying to hide a bald-spot with a bad comb-over; all you’re doing is making yourself look ridiculous. The end-result has nerds looking as though they’re wearing their older brother’s clothes, trying to imagine what they’ll be like when they’re older. And it’s pretty damned sad, really.
Even if you’re built like a Greek statue, properly fitting clothing will go a long way to hiding your flaws and make you look much better.
Measurements – How To Make Sure You Know What You Need.
Break out the spreadsheets, nerdlings, it’s time to start talking numbers. If you want properly fitting clothes, you’re going to have to know exactly what your measurements are. Strip down to your skivvies and stand in front of a full length mirror. On men, you’re going to want to know the measurements for your neck, your chest, your waist and your hips. These are the minimum you will need for most off-the-rack purchases. Getting your inseam and your sleeve will require the help of a friend or a tailor, although you can cheat the inseam by taking a well-fitting pair of pants and measuring from the crotch to the cuff at the bottom of the leg.
- Neck – Measure around the base, just above where the neck meets the shoulder. Make sure to keep the tape snug but not tight.
- Chest – Wrap the tape underneath your armpits, over the nipples and around your shoulder blades.
- Waist – You want to find your natural waist; estimate a finger’s width or two beneath your navel. Again, snug, but not tight; you aren’t going to do yourself any favors by trying to delude yourself as to your actual waist size. Also, don’t suck in your gut. It’ll just mean you’re buying the wrong pants. And don’t just assume your jeans will provide you the information. Most brands of jeans are actually larger than their reported size.
- Hips – Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and measure around the middle of your butt.
First and foremost: the seams of the shoulders should reach the edge of your shoulders. If they’re before where your shoulder meets your clavicle, it’s too small; below your shoulders and it’s too large. Short sleeves should reach down to approximately mid-bicep, not to the elbow or just below the shoulder. Long sleeves should be long enough to reach your watch, not to the middle of your hand.
T-shirts should hang down to just above the crotch. If you raise your arms over your head and expose your stomach, it’s too small for you. Similarly, if you notice folds radiating from the armpits towards the chest when standing with your shoulders back, you need a larger size.
Button down and dress shirts follow the same rules in terms of length and fit. Make certain to check the buttons of your dress shirts; you should be able to stand with your shoulders back without pulling at the buttons. There should be enough room for you to cross your arms in front of you without straining the material in the back as well. You should be able to fit your index finger down the side of your collar with ease and your cuffs should easily accommodate an average-sized watch; wearing a shirt with a too-tight collar can actually be a health-hazard. You literally risk restricting blood-flow to the brain if you end up compressing the carotid artery in your neck.
If the shirt has a squared-off hem, it’s intended to be worn untucked. A regular shirt-tail hem (long in the front, rising at the sides, long in the back) is intended to be worn tucked in. The material should come down to aproximately the top of your zipper. You should have enough material that the shirt won’t come un-tucked on it’s own but not so much that it tends blouse out around your waist.
You want to wear your pants at your natural wastline. Don’t think that you’re fooling anyone by trying to hold in your stomach by wearing them higher; you end up making yourself look like ten pounds of cookie dough squeezed into a 5 pound case.
You should be able to walk around without a belt and not have to worry about the pants falling down around your ass. If your pants are causing you to “muffin-top”, they’re too tight. With jeans, khakis and most slacks, the cuffs should reach down to around 1/3rd of the back of your shoes. With dress pants, there is slightly more variation, depending on the type of break you want; ask a tailor to show you examples of a full or slight break and decide which you prefer. Always bring the type of shoes you plan to wear most often when you’re trying on pants; the differences between athletic shoes, loafers and dress shoes are significant and will drastically affect the fit of the pants.
Avoid front pleats like the damned plague. All they do is add unnecessary bulk to your profile and end up making you look larger than you actually are. They don’t flatter anyone.
Consider tailoring your jeans; if you have the correct waist-size and the inseam is slightly long – or you buy premium jeans such as Rock and Rule or True Religion that only come in one length – a tailor can adjust them for you for a minimal fee. Make sure to request the original hem to keep the proper look to them.
Blazers and Jackets:
A properly fitting blazer should leave about a half inch of your shirt collar showing and a half-inch of cuff at the end of the sleeve. There should be enough material to hang down to cover your ass. There shouldn’t be any gapping between your shirt and the jacket when buttoned, and there shouldn’t be any pulling at the buttons when standing straight with your shoulders back. Unlike a shirt, you won’t be able to fully cross your arms; they’re not designed to accomodate that much movement.
Your belt size is approximately one size larger than your pants size. A well-fitting belt should cinch somewhere around the middle – usually the third notch. Don’t wear too small a belt or tighten it too much; if the material at the waist of your pants is starting to bunch, the belt is too tight.
Oh, and one more thing…
Find yourself a tailor. A good tailor can work miracles with your clothing; a properly tailored shirt and pants will hide your faults while accenting your features in a way you never imagined. Factor the cost of the alterations into the price of the clothing when you purchase them. It’s an additional expense yes, but the benefit of properly tailored clothing is well worth it. You’ll look good. You’ll feel good. And you’ll be turning heads in ways your baggy jeans never did before.