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Utilize a Strategic Display of Vulnerability
I hate to say it, but Wedding Crashers got this one right, guys.
Men are socialized not to display emotions, barring sports or viewings of Brian’s Song, Field of Dreams or the end of The Iron Giant.
A strategic display of emotional vulnerability can be surprisingly powerful. That little moment of letting one’s guard down and showing what you’re really feeling – even for a fleeting second – can be intoxicating. There are reasons why so many romance novels feature a cold or emotionally withdrawn male romantic interest who lets the veneer crack just a little when he’s around the heroine.
Please note: I’m not saying that you should fake it. Just let yourself honestly get caught up in the joy of the day. Let yourself shed a tear or choke up a little while you’re making a toast to the happy couple and watch how women respond to you.
Master The Toast
Speaking of toasts: this is one area where people get things wrong all the time.
Different weddings will have different times for toasts to the bride and groom; some restrict them to the rehearsal dinner. Others allow for toasts during the reception. Make sure you only propose a toast when it’s appropriate, otherwise you end up looking like you’re trying to steal the spotlight.
The good thing about a wedding toast is that you can display a little appealing cleverness and genuine emotion – traits that make you look good – while also wishing the best for your friends.
Of course… it’s also possible to screw it up beyond all saving and ruin any work you’ve been putting in to hooking up with that bridesmaid who’s been flirting with you. A successful wedding toast is like a knife. Simple, short and comes to the point very quickly. You don’t want to have a long, rambling, meandering story about the bride or groom that veers drastically off topic only to be wrenched back at the very end.
If you want to make a toast – and this is a good place to let that brief display of emotion show – you want to follow these rules.
1. KEEP IT CLEAN
No jokes about sex. No jokes about exes. No jokes about that time you and the groom got crazy drunk with those two girls down at Tijuana and you couldn’t find your shorts afterwards. No TMI revelations about you or anyone else while you’re there. There is nothing more excruciatingly embarrassing than listening to someone – usually drunk off his ass – make a toast laden with sexual commentary while the bride’s parents and grandparents squirm with discomfort. If you’re going to make a toast, it needs to be something you can say in front of a priest, a rabbi and your grandmother… all at the same time.
2. This Ain’t The Improv
You’re not there to deliver a comedy routine, you’re there to share something about the bride and/or groom and wish them happiness. A joke – singular – is welcome, as long as it fits into rule #1. Don’t get carried away.
3. It’s About Them
Sharing a memory about the bride or groom that you were part of is good. Talking about yourself: not so good, even if you eventually drag it back to them in the end. Keep them as the central focus.
4. Keep It Short
The ideal toast is short. The longer you ramble on, the less people are listening and the more they’re wishing you’d just shut up and sit down already. You’re not giving the St. Crispin’s Day speech. Keep it to 90 seconds at the longest.
Dance
Guys: Want to stand out from the crowd? Want to be the most popular guy at the wedding? You need to get out there on the dance floor.
First of all: this is where the women will be: out on the dance floor, having fun. You want to be where they are… and not with a look of pained obligation on your face. Remember what I said about how we like people who have fun because they make us have fun as well? That’s especially true here. If you can get out on the floor and actually enjoy yourself, you’re going to find that women are going to want to actually spend time with you. You aren’t going to get the same results hanging around the bar or the buffet line. Sorry.
Second of all: women love a man who can dance. If you can dance, you will find yourself swamped by female attention. Straight talk: I can swing dance. Without any false modesty, I’m really good at swing. Every wedding I’ve been to, if I have a chance to show off a little, I’d take it. Whenever I did, suddenly, I couldn’t make it back to my seat without another woman coming up and saying “I want to dance with you. Now.” It will also give you a chance to get in close with the woman you’re hoping to get even closer with later. Getting her heart pumping, slightly out of breath, eyes glowing with excitement… you see where this leads, right?
Pro tip: if nothing else, learn the basics of swing, waltz and fox trot. These three dances cover wide range of tempos and musical styles and will get you through 99% of the of music you’re likely to find at a wedding.
Third: you need to dance with lots of people, not just the person you’re trying to hook up with… and not just the slow songs Being the social guy who’s out having fun, doing a turn with the some of the older guests or a few of the other bridesmaids establishes you as someone of serious social value. You’re making other people happy and helping them have fun. This will make you much more desirable. Trust me on this.
Work The Logistics
It’s the end of the evening. Everybody is bathed in that post-party glow (or just an alcoholic haze). The bride is about to through the bouquet and make her grand exit. You’ve been sneaking smoldering looks and increasingly less subtle flirty jokes with the hottie you met at the rehearsal dinner… it should be all over bar the squishy noises and post-coital cigarettes, right?
Wrong.
If you haven’t handled the logistics, you could still be going home alone at the end of the evening.
Logistics will screw you every time if you don’t take care of them early – and not in that happy, kind-of-sticky way. Is there an after-party, and if so, is she going? Is the reception at the hotel where everybody is staying? Is everybody riding back in their own cars, or are there carpools, chartered buses or limos? Did she come by herself or did she catch a ride with a friend? Is everybody staying at the same hotel, or are you all spread out across the city? Will he or she have bridal party duties or events that require her attention early the next morning? Does he have his own room, or is he sharing with a friend? Do you have your own room?
You need to work all of these details out in advance before trying to move things back to your room… or theirs. The sooner you know that your cutie is supposed to give her friend a ride back to a different hotel, the sooner you can start making the work-arounds. The two of you may be feeling the heat, but if he’s going to be disappearing for a half-hour while hauling his drunk-ass roommate back to the hotel, he may well decide that he’d be better off collapsing there and just getting your number in the morning.
Remember: a little preparation and a lot of charm can make the difference between a ho-hum wedding and a night to remember… for you and the happy couple.
Did I miss any critical tips? Ever have a wedding hook-up turn into something more? Share in the comments! And don’t forget to like the Dr. NerdLove Facebook Page, where I’ll be sharing Dr. NerdLove’s patented, never-fail wedding toast.
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