The date is fun, we talk, we have some drinks, he is not that boring, I have another glass of wine. Then suddenly it’s 15 minutes until the last bus leaves. We go outside, make out a little on a bench a couple of minutes away from the bus stop. Of course I miss the bus. Of course he suggests that I could sleep over.
Oh, the convenience. At this point I have a bazillion different thoughts running through my brain. One part is like “this is not you, what are you doiiing?!” “But that’s exactly why you should do it! Live a little for once!” another part goes.
Sometimes this can be the path of wisdom… even if it requires the Hangover of Experience afterwards to properly process. However, this is not one of those times for a multitude of reasons.
Then a very healthy part of my brain tells me, “your ex can have sex with two different girls in two days,”
To start with: you really don’t need to know that your ex banged two girls in two days. That’s just a recipe or heart-ache, pain and really bad decisions.
“If he can do that you can too. Fuck this guy to get back at him.”
While I won’t say that I haven’t done this before, I will say that it’s an incredibly stupid reason to have sex with someone. Unless it’s a) his brother/roommate/best friend and b) you’re planning on posting the evidence all over your Facebook and Twitter feeds and then texting him for good measure, not only is this not getting back at him, he will likely never know or care. He’s already dick-deep in strange; he didn’t get over you so much as vault from the sounds of it.
All you have here is poor justification for your behavior that will almost certainly prove to be a mistake.
It’d be one thing to sleep with somebody who turns your crank and gets your juices flowing. It’s another entirely to sleep with somebody in hopes of provoking an emotional response in somebody else. If you were genuinely attracted to this guy, I wouldn’t be giving you the verbal smack-down, but from the sounds of things you decided to round things up to “horny” in the hopes that you could twist the knife in your ex. This is a poor basis for deciding to go home with somebody, especially when you’re compounding it with other bad decisions.
And then my entire brain goes “wheeeee alcohol!” and I go home with him.
The sex is terrible.
I should’ve known better, because the kissing was also pretty awful. I keep hoping it will get better and if I act like I’m turned on, maybe it will turn me on.
I hate to kick you while you’re down, but that was a mistake. Now to be sure, your brain does influence your body and it’s possible to force it react to a certain extent, but generally not enough to really make a difference.
It works, but only a little. While it’s happening I’m not thinking any happy sexy thoughts. I’m thinking about how it’s super awkward and fumbly and that he seems to reallly be enjoying himself. But how can he not know that it’s so, so awkward?!
At a guess: because he’s getting his rocks off and you aren’t giving him any clues that he’s going about it all wrong. While it’s a lot to ask from a drunken hook-up on a first date, if the sex is lousy, you should tell him so, if only in hopes of actually getting off that evening. Even if wonderbread isn’t so amazing that you’re willing to overlook initially awkward sex in hopes of shaping him up over the course of the relationship, you (general you) do have an obligation to at least point out that he’s doing it wrong… if only to spare his future victims from his inexpert pawing and thrustings.
He’s had much less to drink than I have, by the way, so that can’t be it. At one point I actually turn my head away so I can cringe at some ill phrased dirty talk.
Alternately you could have said: “Shhh, don’t say anything…”
I’m also thinking about how my ex has obviously ruined me for all other men with his perfect frikkin body and there’s a big reason why I’m completely dickmatized by him.
1) I’m fairly certain I can find an excuse to use “dickmatized” in casual conversation.
2) It’s not your ex as much as it is this boy’s lack of skills. Your ex is more of a convenient excuse at this point.
And how did this guy’s past girlfriends not teach him anything about sex?
In my experience, his past girlfriends didn’t last terribly long… and they likely faked it. A lot.
I’m going to go off on a slight tangent here, because you’ve managed to trip over one of my pet-peeves: women who fake orgasms. While I can understand why they might think it’s a good idea – unfamiliarity with one’s own body leading to an inability to orgasm, convincing loverboy that he can stop now, trying to avoid conflict over who’s the one who’s the one who’s actually lousy in bed – the problem with faking orgasms is that it’s rewarding men for bad behavior.
If he’s not able to make you (again, general you) come, then it’s better to tell him in hopes of helping him improve rather than leading him to believe he’s doing well when he isn’t. Any guy worth sleeping with will welcome the information and being educated in how to actually please a woman. One who would take offense is one you’d be better off not sleeping with ever again. Faking just encourages bad habits and convinces him that he’s the last of the red-hot lovers and ends up passing the error on to his future partners.
I’m even thinking about girls as a last ditch attempt to feel *something* and I’m thinking that maybe I should explore my bisexuality because even with my limited experience at least it can’t be more awkward than this! After he cums he tries to work some finger magic, but I just tell him that it’s fine and I don’t need to cum – just to make the fumbling stop. I know that I’m been very specific and explicit, but you need to know how bad it was. It was so bad.
Afterwards he looks at me like he genuinly enjoyed that. Are men really that easy to please?
I’m over-simplifying greatly, but generally if a guy gets his rocks off with a pretty girl, he’s going to be pretty damn pleased… especially if he’s convinced that he’s impressed you with his cocksmanship.