Imagine, if you will, a night out. You’re at a party; the drinks are flowing, the music is thumping, you’re chatting with your buddies and having a good time… and then you look across the room and see her. She stands out like a vision amongst her friends. She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, and she’s looking at you. Every fiber in your body is screaming that you need to go up and talk to her.
And then the little voices start to speak up. “She’s with her friends,” it says, “you don’t want to go talk to her in front of them… you should wait until you can get her alone.”
“She probably has a boyfriend.”
“Look at all those guys around her, how are you supposed to compete with them?”
Before you know it, the moment’s gone; she’s moved on to another part of the party and you’re left feeing like a fool.
Let’s be honest: approaching women can be intimidating as hell. Even for the most socially adapt and experienced, the act of walking up to a complete stranger and trying to convince her to start a relationship with you – whether it be sexual or emotional, long term or just for the night – is absurdly difficult; it’s no wonder that those little voices of negativity will pop up and try to talk you out of it. It can be too much for just one man sometimes.
But what if you weren’t flying solo? What if you had someone with you, someone who had your back? Someone who could help you navigate all the little contingencies, someone who could help you manage all of the logistics in order to make sure you had your chance? Somebody who can give you the boost you need to get in there and start talking?
Well, that’s why you need a wingman.
Your wingman is your best friend when you’re out trying to meet women. His purpose is to handle the obstacles and logistics of a situation whenever you are trying to talk to a woman. Is she surrounded by her friends? Your wingman is there to help win them over to your side. Are there other guys competing for her attention? Your wingman is there to keep them distracted while you make your move. Is her friend getting jealous of all the attention your target is getting? Your wingman is there to keep her from ruining things by pulling your girl away.
A good wingman can get you laid… but a bad wingman can leave the two of you going home alone drunk and wondering what went wrong. This is why you both need to follow these simple rules for wingmen.
Rule 1: Know Thy Wingman.
This can be a tough one. It’s natural that when you want a wingman to instinctively look to your best or closest friend. After all, you already have chemistry; shouldn’t that mean that the two of you will work together like a well-oiled machine?
Just being friends doesn’t mean that you’ll be compatible as wingmen. You need more than just friendship; you need to match in style and goals. If your goal is to find a date while his is to get laid that evening, you’re going to clash. While you’re working on getting your girl’s phone number and setting up a date for next Friday, he’ll be trying to convince his girl that they need to slip off to make out in the corner. Meanwhile while he’s trying to pull her back to his place, you’ll be feeling the pressure to go along with it, even though you’re not the sort who likes to rush into sex. These night-and-day differences in attitude will inevitably poison the entire interaction, and leave you both frustrated and confused, wondering exactly where things went wrong.
Similarly, if you dress like a rockstar with spiked hair, vintage tees, jewelry and, ripped skinny jeans and Chucks and your wingman is wearing a sharp tailored suit and polished lace-ups, the incongruity will make women question why two such different people are hanging out together. This, in turn, is going to put them on their guard, which will make the interaction that much harder. The girls who will respond to the rockstar look won’t be as interested in the stylish suits, while the girls who respond to the suits are going to be put off by the rocker. A wingman and his partner need to be in synch; they don’t need to be twins, but they do need to compliment each other.
Rule 2: A Wingman’s Partner Is The The Coolest Motherfucker In The Room
Male friendship is frequently one of friendly antagonism. Even the closest of friends will love to bust each other’s balls when they’re hanging out. Friendly smack-talking is part of how guys bond… women will understand that, right?
Your wingman talking shit about you is one of the surest ways to kill any chance you had with the woman you were talking to. Insulting your supposed friend isn’t going to be attractive to anyone; at best, it just makes you look like an asshole, which makes her wonder why the hell the two of you hang out in the first place. At worst, it’s going to seem like you’re trying to sabotage him so you can get with her.
When you’re winging for someone, your partner is automatically the coolest person you have ever known. Your job as a wingman is to point out how awesome your friend is; he’s too cool to brag, so you’re going to do it for him. A proper wingman will play up his partner’s accomplishments; how awesome his job is, the incredible gallery show that he was just part of, the crazy adventures he’s taken you on. Bragging is unattractive… having someone else talk you up is providing information.