I know this isn’t particularly about dating and relationship but I just really need some third party advice right now. A best mate of mine has been online dating ever since he got separated from his wife after having found out she had been cheating on him. 1-2 months into the separation, he met this girl online who is a lot younger than he (he’s middle-aged). After a few months of them chatting and talking on phone, he told me he was falling in love with her and they were going to meet in real life very soon. I personally don’t ever believe in falling in love with someone I have never met in person. Connection, yes. But love? I’m skeptical. But in saying that, being a good friend to him, I told myself not to judge and impose my own opinion on him because we’re all different after all. So I just congratulated him and said that I was very happy for him (given his recent broken home situation).
Then came the day she was supposed to fly over to see him (they live in different state), she pulled the pin a few days earlier due to some medical issue. I grew suspicious but still gave her the benefit of the doubt because it was only the first time. But I asked him anyway, that if he had ever skyped her yet. And he said yes,, they skyped once. So I was certain that at least her identity (appearance-wise) was real. Then her medical condition got more dramatic in that she would have to go to hospital for treatment every weekend. So that sort of makes it challenging for him to even fly over to see her himself. Her excuse is that she would never know when she would be next in order to meet him because she has to constantly move back and forth between home and hospital (a few hours each way). After hearing this, I asked him to be cautious in that he should stop investing more into this ‘relationship’ emotionally until he can actually see her in real life. I went as far as stating that she may be real, but her circumstances may not. And I could see him taking offences by that, though he did not say it out loud. He just said that they had been talking on phone for one and a half hours everyday. I personally thought that that meant nothing but stopped pushing anyway, knowing that since he had started to get defensive, it would only get worse if I kept being pushy.
So my question is, do you have any advice as to what I should do? Should I just let him be or try to push harder? Because to me, he seems to really want to believe in this relationship, even though there’s little chance of them meeting any time soon. He does understand that the longer he waits, the more he would start to idealize her, which is a bad thing. But other than that, I still don’t know how I can advice him to not invest more into this before meeting her in person.
Will really appreciate your advice
A Concerned Mate