I found your website after searching for an answer to my problem for hours upon hours on the internet. After seeing some of the advice you gave out, I decided to give it a shot and see what you had to say about my particular problem. You had touched on it a bit in some of the other articles, but there were always key differences that just seemed to change the circumstances in my opinion. So here it goes.
I met this girl a while back through a family member she went to school with. At first we just kind of knew each other and that was about the end of it until we started to text then later hang out, always as just friends. Eventually, we got closer and closer until we were spilling every secret that we had. We both know things that nobody else in the world knows about the other. We get along great, have similar personalities, senses of humor, and interests. We became best friends without a doubt. But then she dropped a bomb on me when she said “If we were both older, you would be the guy I would want to date.”
Now before this, I had thought a bit about the whole dating thing but just dismissed it as a passing fancy. But she kept dropping little lines like this until it became more than that. Eventually, I told her that I actually had thought about it and would honestly like to date her and see where it led. But if you thought that is as thick as this plot gets, you’re sadly mistaken. During this whole time together, she has had a boyfriend.
The guy is no good for her and she complains about him constantly, but still refuses to break it off with him. This is even his third chance with her. I believe I’ve made my feelings clear about her and yet she tells me that she is afraid to be alone and that’s why she won’t just dump him. But he honestly just doesn’t even care about her. She is super easy to make happy, but he won’t even take the time to text her everyday. The only reason I know this is because we are talking on FaceTime literally every night. He won’t make sacrifices for her that I have on a regular basis, but he is still the one she stays with. But the worst part is that through all of this, she still says things about dating me, but says that I shouldn’t be as nice as I am because I’m not her boyfriend. She loves that I am chivalrous when we hang out, but gets upset when I pay for lunch or open the truck door for her. Through all of this, I’ve held back from straight out asking her to go on a date out of respect of their relationship, but at this point, I’ve become more of a boyfriend than he has ever been to her. But I’m starting to lose my mind here. I’ve already changed so much for her (quit smoking, started eating better and exercising, made new career choices, etc.) but she just refuses to give me a shot, choosing instead to stay with someone who won’t even text her good morning most of the time.
The thing is, I just have no clue what to do. I really do love her, but at the same time, I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I just don’t know if I could be JUST her friend. I know it sounds like I’m justifying my staying in this relationship by making it sound like there is a chance that we could be more than friends, but she talks about what it would be like if we were dating or if she were my girlfriend all the time. So I have a hard time believing it is all in my head. I just don’t know what I should do, or even what I can do. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer. Hopefully I’m not just completely screwed or anything.
Thanks in advance,