I’m finally asking you for some insight in a little problem of mine, after having delayed this quite a while, because, well, my issue isn’t directly related to dating. Because of this, I don’t know how to start, so my best guess is to simply give you as much info as I can before jumping in the heart of the matter. (And I also want to thank you for this blog, like really really thank you. I can’t describe how much your work have helped me and is still doing so.)
So, I’m a 23 years old student, and I was pretty much the stereotypical, socially very awkward, shy guy back in highschool. Some bad familial crap was messing with me since, well, forever, and my only true friend was my awesome little brother. I just wanted to get the fuck out, to leave all this crap behind me and so did I when I graduated and went to college. Long story short, reality slapped me in the face, and my studies where halted for nearly two years. When I got back to college, I briefly considered suicide, spoke about it to my brother, and my mother and him basically dragged me out of this pit.
In the last three years, many things happened : I’ve stumbled upon your blog, and began to try to improve myself, to correct my views about relationships in particular and life in general, I finally returned to a theatre class, I started hitting the gym and I even had my first relationship ! It was short-lived (like, two months), I made some mistakes (I’m quite ashamed of it but one of my reason for the break-up was the lack of physical intimacy. Which I find kind of dickish, even if breaking up was the good decision) and I understood what you meant by “find someone right for you, not because you’re alone”. This was 2 years ago.
Today I’m still celibate and a virgin, but not alone anymore. I’ve a good circle of friends (awesome people), I’ve came to terms with my envy of my little brother’s achievements, and I’m not anymore obsessed with finding someone, anyone. I’m happy, truly happy, for the first time in my life
And here is the problem Doc : 99 % of my friends told me that the first time we met, before we even talked to each other, they thought I was cold and full of disdain. Many of them even told I looked constantly sad, and it became kind of a private joke. And as ridiculous as it sounds, it upsets me. I’ve always considered myself as a warm person. Introvert ? Yes ? Not so talkative when not joking ? Sure. Easily “disconnected” ? I can’t deny it. My “sad” face ? It’s my neutral expression ! Hell, I’ve been convinced for a very long time that there was something wrong with me (as a person), a “stain” in my personality that drove people away, but how can I correct my neutral expression ?
I know it’s kind of ridiculous, but I don’t want to make people feel that way in my presence, Doc. I don’t want to be the guy-who-looks-so-sad-god-if-approach-him-I’m-gonna-fall-in-depression. I don’t want to be perceived as someone who is going to shut you down and humiliate you if you approach me, because it’s the opposite. Want to make my day ? Approach me, talk to me. So here is my question Doc : what can I do ? Despite all my work, all my efforts, I’m still driving off (inadvertently) other people. Now, to be fair, I know I’m making a big deal of it, but every time I’m told this, I hear “All your efforts don’t matter, all your work doesn’t matter, you’re still a person that nobody wants to know or be with. You upset other people.”
Thanks for reading, Doc.
Stressed About Descriptions