I’m a college-aged gay male (not particularly important, but I’ll put it out there anyways) and there’s this guy that I’ve hooked up with a handful of times. We revealed feelings for each other on Valentine’s Day, and from there we discussed the possibility of a relationship. The only problem is, I’m very monogamous when it comes to relationships, and he’s not. So from there we decided to call off the idea of a relationship if either way one of us would not be fulfilled in what we want.
When we were discussing ways to have a relationship (before we called it off), we discussed compromises where we could be open, but have restrictions on when we could exercise our openness (like get permission from the other when we wanted to hookup with a guy, only a certain amount of hookups allowed per month, etc). Anyways, every time he was talking about how some of those compromises would go and he specifically mentioned the act of him sleeping with someone else, I would start getting anxiety, almost to the point of an anxiety attack.
Now that we’re just friends with benefits, you’d think that that would go away, right? Wrong. Just today we were discussing the idea of having someone come over next time we hook up to show me how to indulge in a particular kink that needs some training, and yet that have me some anxiety. Hell, when I texted him today about what he was doing and he said he just got back from hanging out with a kinky friend (platonically), that even that ruffled me a bit.
So my question is: is this jealousy normal for someone who’s not even romantically involved with this other person, and are there ways to tackle it? Because for now, every time we talk about playing with a third person, or him mentioning to me that he has or will hook up with someone else, I really do lock up and instantly start acting differently: I get reserved and passive, I try to avoid the conversation as much as possible, and it’s hard for me to look at his face once I lock up. I really want to at least try to beat this anxiety, but it has yet to fail getting to me every time the topic comes up.
Three’s Probably A Crowd