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How Do I Keep The Spark in my Long Distance Relationship?

June 8, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove: I’ve found myself in a bit of a spot.

Through these trying times, I was able to connect with someone and the chemistry is definitely there. We have even talked about how we can’t wait to jump each others pants once this whole COVID thing blows over. We communicate fairly regularly and I am definitely excited, as she appears to be. However, there’s the ‘issue’ of distance, seeing as she lives like 8 hours away.

I say ‘issue’ because we kind of have agreed to meet halfway and getting there won’t really be a problem. The problem is the ‘when’. My fear is that the longer this progresses, the more likely it is that the intensity will fade and by the time it’s over, or at least safe enough to take a two hour flight for some hanky panky, well, there just won’t be as much incentive. This girl is not going to have any problem getting someone to scratch that itch and I’m wary that she may just decide, well, dick is dick and this just happens to be closer. While I can also get somebody to get me off, well, at this point, it’s clear that for me it’s more about having sex with her in particular.

So, any advice, Doc? Am I looking at this all wrong because we’re quarantined and oh-so-horny? Is there another way to approach this?

I appreciate it, Doc! Stay safe.

Horny in Quarantine

[Read more…]

Episode #124 – Why Women Don’t Like Nice Guys

October 9, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Why do women say they want to find a nice guy, but never seem to date them?

The answer is that what women are not saying is actually more important. Whenever a woman says “I wish I could find a nice guy”, there’s the unspoken modifier: “I wish i could find a nice guy… who actually excites me.”

Here’s how men can stop being so “nice”, and start being amazing.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

  • What women REALLY mean when they talk about finding a nice guy
  • Why women aren’t attracted to “nice” guys
  • Why being “nice” by itself isn’t enough
  • Why nice guys lose respect… and how to get it back
  • How to develop the qualities women are REALLY looking for in men

…and so much more.

RELATED LINKS:

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Stop Being a “Nice Guy”?
Why Being A “Nice Guy” Isn’t Good Enough
Eliminating Neediness
What Bad Boys Know (That Nice Guys Don’t)
Enforcing Your Boundaries
Do Women Prefer Dominant Men?
Dominance, Prosocial Orientation and Female Preferences

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcript available at patreon.com/DrNerdLove


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Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Understanding the Hot/Creepy Matrix (Or: The Hot Celebrity Exception)

May 27, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Everyone has their guilty pleasures: things that they do that they would probably refuse to admit to in public. I mean, I don’t, but that’s mostly because I had my sense of guilt surgically removed in 2006, but, y’know. Everyone else does.

And that’s between you and your Google history, chief

One of the closest things I have to a guilty pleasure is the relationships.txt twitter feed. Having the best – or at least, most what-and-I-can’t-stress-this-enough-the-FUCK – parts of Reddit delivered to my Twitter timeline on a regular basis gives me my daily dose of both rage and reassurance that I will never be out of work. Plus on occasion, there’s a story that serves as a prime example of some of the things I warn people about.

And then there’re stories that in and of themselves are interesting… but it’s the reactions they provoke that are more interesting.

Such is the case of the Jailbait Birthday Creeper.

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Important Is Physical Attraction?

December 14, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hello Dr.!

I’ve been reading your articles and posts for several years now, and I have a lot in common with some the other people who write to you. I’m a 36-year-old man who did well in high school and college, has done tolerably well in the workplace since I graduated (I’m far from wealthy, but not struggling to pay the bills either), but spent much of my life struggling to fit in socially. I never faced a lot of bullying or overt hostility, but I spent my school years and much of my 20s feeling awkward and on-edge around my classmates and colleagues. Although I did make some friends with whom I remain very close to this day, I always felt incredibly anxious in large groups, and was tormented by the notion that everyone else found personal interaction a lot easier than I did. I always got along at least as well with women as I did with men, but I didn’t have any kind of romantic or sexual experiences until the age of 32, when I lost my virginity to L, an old friend from middle school, and went on to date her for a while. It was a great experience for both of us, but after six good months, it became clear that we were not a great match romantically, although she remains one of my very closest friends.

I am now doing very well in most ways– I have worked in retail since 2004, and constant interaction with both customers and coworkers has helped me to feel much more confident in social situations. For a little over two years, I’ve been working at a local health food store. It’s a great environment– the pay isn’t terrific, but it’s much better than I’ve gotten at any other job, and my managers really seem to appreciate my contributions. And my customers and coworkers are also wonder, most of them being intelligent, funny, and interested in many of the same things that I am. Naturally, quite a few of these customers and coworkers are women, and I have become quite friendly with some of them. In fact, there are several women (some of them customers, some of them co-workers from other departments) who stop by my department to chat very frequently, even though they usually do not buy anything. It seems possible that at least some of these women might be interested in me as something more than a friend.

Based on the excellent advice you have given to so many other people, I know exactly what I need to do in order to find out for certain: ask them out, listen to their answer, be cool with whatever the answer happens to be. Here’s where things get a little complicated: although all of these women seem like they have great personalities, and although most of them would be considered highly attractive by “conventional standards”… to put it plainly, I am attracted to larger ladies, and most of the women I am getting to know at work are very slender. Part of me thinks I should try asking some of them out anyway, because I really do love their personalities, we have a great time chatting, and I hate the idea of being superficial. And it’s possible that attraction would grow with time. But I don’t know if that would really be the case. L is a big, curvy woman, and when we were dating, I absolutely loved every inch of her body, including the parts that she was embarrassed about. She is still the only woman I have ever had sex with, so I don’t know to what degree I could become physically attracted to a woman with a different body type. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I shouldn’t “test the waters” and just see what happens. But on the other hand, I worry that it would be unfair to ask women to give me a try, when I am not at all sure there is the potential for long-term attraction.

So that’s where I was hoping you might have some advice: based on both your own personal experience and the stories you have heard as an advice columnist/dating coach, is it common for physical attraction to grow with time, even with people who are not our “type”, physically speaking? Or would I ultimately be better off trying to meet women who I feel more immediately attracted to, even if it means I have to look further afield?

-Inexperienced in The Nutrition Aisle

[Read more…]

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do Turn My Life Around?

September 24, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hello Doc

My life is hell and always has been. Especially, for the last four years. I am twenty one years old chronologically, but biologically I am probably in my late thirties, early forties. This is because I have done absolutely nothing for the last four years, and I mean nothing except self destructive behaviour and have my self esteem destroyed by my parents (very controlling, domineering and mean at times).

For the last four years, I have not been in education, employment or training. Almost every day, my day would be spent lying in bed on the internet, pacing around occasionally and eating a lot of junk food. That sounds very bad and it’s is, but it’s not until very  recently I have realized just what a intolerable lifestyle this is and how I could have done so much better. I hate it and always have, but for almost all of the last four years I have thought it was the best lifestyle I was capable of. I have no idea why I didn’t try to change it.

There were a couple of people who I spoke to during this time who urged me to change my ways and do something to change it. I never did, as I genuinely felt getting a job was beyond me. I know now it was not. These people remain the most positive social contact I ever had. I treated them poorly and obviously I regret that, but not as much as I do not listening to them.

What hurts most is, I used to be handsome guy three or four years ago and got a lot of attention for my looks. Now, I look nothing like that and very old and tired. Plus, my body is far too young to look and feel how it does.

I have bumped into a few people from high school, too. Their reactions always make me feel bad, as people who I know liked me always seem sad and like they pity me when they see me, whereas people I know who disliked me seem quite happy to see me now. I did not treat anyone badly in high school, so it hurts that they take pleasure in seeing me fail.

What makes it worse is that my brother is going to sixth form in September, as I did five years ago. He has a girlfriend, is going to school and recently got a job in the local cinema I almost applied for at his age (closest I ever came to applying for a job and wish I did it now). It brings back a few memories of me at that age and I can’t stop thinking of what might have been.

I regret everything about the last five years and have become the worst version of myself. It has been my dream to find somebody to love and move in with and finally be free from this prison cell, but my self destructive and lazy habits have robbed me of that hope.

I should have joined the army when I was forced to leave sixth form at 17. If I had I could have been in good health, looking great and flirting with women I like yet i am lying in my bed, unloved and alone. Is this all that life can show to me?

I feel ashamed of myself for how I lived for the last four years. I know it’s my fault I am in this mess and I should not be depressed about ruining my body and appearance as others have much worse problems. Yet, still; I must mourn!

Can I change Doc? Can I become a socially successful attractive guy and get a awesome girlfriend( my own age)? Will I finally leave home even with the poor job prospects I currently have and finally be free? What do I do?

P.S I don’t even enjoy junk food I are it because that was just how things were. My whole family had bad eating habits. How I have lived, both in terms how I treated my body and how barely did anything for four years. It all seems very silly now, but it always does afterwards, doesn’t it?

P.S.S one of those supposed reasons I didn’t apply for a job was because I was too shy for it. When I considered working a the cinema at 16 my parents actively discouraged it for that reason. I shouldn’t have listened to them.

Stuck In The Past

[Read more…]

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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