Doctor’s Note: today’s letter involves discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation.
Hello Doc. I apologize in advance for how dark this is.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship (my first real relationship) with someone for two and a half years. They (non-binary) have a ton of issues, in terms of mental health and personal baggage, and I knew part of that going on. Sometimes, they’re great, but other times it’s a nightmare. They tell me they’re going to kill themselves over things every few days, there’s one person they’re absolutely obsessed with and they push and push and push me to get that person back into their lives. It doesn’t work because I respect that other person’s autonomy.
They’re poly, (I knew this going in, I don’t have a problem with them being poly) but they occasionally try to meet someone IRL and when either nothing happens or things go sour, they start screaming at me over it and telling me they want to die. And sometimes making an attempt at suicide that doesn’t go anywhere. I’ve done a huge amount of emotional labor for them, and they do very little back. They talk about wanting “emotional support” but I can’t figure out what they actually mean by that because the definition seems to change at random. When they say nothing can ever get better, I try to say it can, but apparently that’s not what they want, but they won’t tell me what they actually want.
If I break up with them, they will try to attempt suicide and I don’t know how to deal with that. Intellectually I know that if they do follow through, it won’t be my fault, but I can’t take that last step. I’m miserable and I get stress migraines every day from this. I’ve done so much for them and it just makes me feel like a monster that I can’t fix anything and that they seem to constantly fight against attempts to make things better.
I need to break up with them but I don’t have the slightest clue how.
Thank you for listening,