So I’m sure you get a bunch of emails from confused college students, but I think this one might be a little out of the ordinary. So here goes, and please forgive my confused ramblings. I’m in college, and I have a good friend who I’m going to call X.
We were at a party, a pretty low-key one (I LOATHE traditional college basement keg parties with a burning fiery fucking passion, you have no idea), and we were all varying levels of intoxicated. I was still pretty lucid; despite being a little heavyset, I’m kind of a lightweight, and I’d kind of reached that “still lucid and in control, but the room is wobbly a bit” stage which is when I know it’s time to cut myself off if I want to get home in one piece.
So over comes X, I’m pretty sure sloshed out of her mind, and starts coming on to me pretty hard – physical proximity, hand in some… uncomfortable places, pretty much everything short of just crawling on top of me. She kept making some not-so-subtle references that even my brick wall-level of social stupidity couldn’t stop. Eventually I just flat out told her that I wasn’t going to put out. She seemed pretty cut up about that and left the party not soon after.
Thing is, while this girl is jaw-droppingly attractive, I had a few hangups.
– It really wasn’t a good place,
– It was an even worse time,
– We were both varying levels of drunk,
– I’m a virgin and that was definitely not the right time to punch my card,
– I consider her to be a platonic friend, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY:
– She has a boyfriend back home, who I’ve met and is pretty much a great guy, and they’ve been dating for a few years now (they met in high school, and we’re all juniors).
I don’t blame her for something she did under the influence of alcohol, because I’m pretty sure she genuinely loves this guy, but it’s still a little worrying.
My question isn’t “Should I pursue a relationship?” because holy shit, no, bad idea, dick move, et cetera. It’s “How do I deal with the idea that someone I consider to be a friend may have something more in mind, despite having a boyfriend?” She hasn’t said anything about it, and says she doesn’t remember much from the party, but the situation is never far away when we interact these days, and I would truly regret losing my friendship with her because of a drunken indiscretion.
I don’t know. I guess I’m asking how I should deal with this situation in a way that leaves all parties unhurt.
– Confused And A Bit Nervous