I’m a 22 years old student and I’m currently facing difficulties in my social life. Until the past 1 or 2 years, I was living a very asocial life. Even though I’m an introvert, I managed to get back on my feet quickly and I’m pretty happy with my progress. The problem is, living a big part of my life as an asocial person (Especially the teenage years) has almost permanent effects on my personality. Trying to change them for good becomes a frustrating struggle. Let me elaborate.
Nowadays I’m very good at networking and communication in general. In fact, I’m a talkative person. But when it comes to dating, since I don’t have much experience, I face with lots of problems.
After one or two dates, I struggle too much with trying to find things to talk about and things to do together. But I think I know the reason. A person with a background of active social life has lots of things to talk about because he/she have been to lots of events, met many people, gone to many places etc. But someone like me with asocial hobbies realize that you don’t have any interesting things to talk about, you don’t know much good places to take your date to. You realize how boring you became over the past couple of years.
I’m a guy and I really don’t have this problem in my normal day-to-day conversations, especially with guys since we usually have common interests. I mostly struggle during a date with a girl. I don’t have much experience with dating and I think I became too boring for a girl to spend time with. Maybe I’m too focused on my approaching career and working too hard. I need to take a break and become a more fun person to spend time with. But the process of trying to change my personality is hard. I’m getting tired, but learning a lot at the same time.
Physically, I’m not a bad looking guy but I can be considered as a shy “good guy”, which girls, especially the ones at my age, are not really into. Even worse, I’m very emotional and tend to overthink everything to an extend where it puts me in deep stress and depression. I get attached to a girl very quickly. But girls on the other hand are usually the exact opposite. Since there is always a guy trying to date with them, they don’t really care and go with the flow. This kills me because I care about every little detail and overthink everything just to realize the girl does not even remember my age (or any other basic information about me). The reason is, she knows there are plenty fish in the sea. But there aren’t plenty for me.
There are other side effects of my introvert personality such as not being able to make eye contact. But in short, I don’t know how to date. I want a girl to have fun spending time with me. And I want to be able to transition from casual coffee dates to an actual relationship. I don’t really care about casual hookups, I’m looking for a serious relationship. I know I’m young but I’ll graduate soon and I’m afraid I won’t be able to find the right person.
I fail a lot but keep trying. Any advice would be appreciated.
First Time Unlucky