Okay, so I have a situation where I got involved with a girl who’s last relationship was abusive (emotionally and physically). We’d both just moved into college (neither of us is a freshman), off campus, second night we hooked up. That night, when we talked, she seemed very interested in making it into something. Maybe not make it really serious, but at least attempt dating. We were working together when we met, for the school, so during the day we obviously kept everything under wraps.
Two days later I asked if I could see her again that night, she said yes. A few hours later I get a text saying we should just stay friends. I’m totally cool with this, she is making her wishes clear and I told her we could stay friends.
The next day we drink with some friends. She tries to hook up with my best friend when everyone is gone. They kiss for 5 seconds and he gets uncomfortable and backs off. I knew about it, but I didn’t care and didn’t make a big deal over it, I’m not the jealous type.
The next day we are hanging out with a bunch of people, eating lunch, and she sends me another text saying she regrets what she said the previous night. I’m a little exasperated at this point, but I tell her we should talk about it later, in person. At this point I didn’t really know about the abuse. That night I walk her home, we talk, she explains her history. Eventually we decide to try dating. I leave thinking that we are on the same page.
The next night she changes her mind again. My response is calm, but I make the mistake of asking her if I can ask her out in the future once we’ve both figured things out. I feel like this could have come off as needy. But she says of course I can, and we leave it at that.
Finally, a week later, after continuing to remain friends, she wants me back again. We talk, I tell her I’m pretty cautious at this point and I don’t want it to be more of a mess. But she seems really sincere, so I decide to give it one more try. We decide on a date for two days later. A few hours before the date she cancels, says we need to stay friends.
Finally at this point I just said I was done. I’m not mad or hurt, I’m just done with this mess. She apologizes profusely and I basically just tell her I won’t hold a grudge because she’s had a rough year and I won’t hold it against her. But I ask her to please treat people as she wants to be treated. She wants to stay friends.
I guess my question is what could I have done differently? I realize I should have walked away sooner, but this girl is amazing. Ambitious, smart, works really hard (full ride student), and very pretty. The pathetic part is, if in 6 months she changed her mind again I might be willing to try it. It’s not that I’ll wait, I’m pretty confident and I try to go up to random people and meet them several times a week. I just haven’t met anyone I care about more than her, yet.
I learned a lot from this, but I feel like I could learn more if someone else took a look at it.