I tend to meet women on Tinder and date a couple at a time. Five years ago, I did this because while I could be charming for a date or two, soon enough the realities of my then pathetic life would shine through. The reaction was girls tended to like me less the more they got to know me. Most ghosted me within a month. To counter this endless loss, I kept a steady stream of new dates coming.
My life is a lot better now. I have a job, am no longer chronically ill. I am also in therapy to work on myself. That has affected my dating life. Just as before, I meet women online and it goes pretty well. The big difference is that right around the 3-5th date mark, when they’d normally show diminishing signs of interest, women are instead sticking around. If anything, I can tell they like me more and more. This makes me happy in general, but has led to some new problems.
I currently am dating three women and occasionally go on other Tinder dates. None of these girls know about one another. Each relationship is “real” in that we go on dates and hold hands and all that, but none have escalated much emotionally.
I’ve never told any of them I love them, and I certainly never said to any of them we were exclusive. I keep expecting one or all to bring it up, but they never do. I have no idea If they are seeing other guys or if they think we’re monogamous. I feel like had I met them knowing they weren’t gonna bail, I would have been more honest earlier.
I’m aware the easy answer is “just ask them!” But I really don’t want to. If one does ask me, I plan to be honest but vague with them (“I like you a lot, but I’m not interested in monogamy. I don’t expect you to follow any rules, either.”) I’m perfectly fine with a don’t ask don’t tell arrangement. But I worry that if I bring this up myself , I’ll make things awkward or tank a relationship I like.
I don’t have much of a game plan because this is all new to me. I like all three girls, but if any found out and forced me to either date just them or end the relationship, I would end the relationship. I’m coming to believe I will never want monogamy. If anything, I suspect I’d be happiest with a “real” wife or girlfriend that 98% of the time we would look normal. The caveat being we both date/bang other people.
It’s hard to consider myself some cheating playboy because there’s no lie. I certainly wasn’t cheating when we’ve known each other for two weeks. Or a month. But it’s like month six now and it feels like a line has been crossed. Has it? Who decides that and when? If this all ends in disaster, I won’t feel like a scumbag, but I will feel bad for hurting a girl’s feelings.
Interested in your thoughts,