I’m writing to you because I think I have a problem with my girlfriend and I’m not sure how to solve it. First of all, English is not my first language so I’m sorry for any mistake in my letter.
I’ve been with her for 6 years and we moved together last year. It’s been great so far and we’re still very happy together, or at least I think we are. I’m not into the idea of marriage and family but, if I was, I’m sure she’d be the girl I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.
I think it’s perfectly normal for a couple that has been together so long to fall into a sort of “routine” and not be as passionately in love as one is in the first years of the relationship. We still have a good time together and have a regular sex life, we’re still very attracted to each other and the moving together part has been mostly good.
So my problem started a few weeks ago, when she first expressed the interest in seeing other people and having an open relationship. We discussed it a few times and she’s always the one to be more open and interested in the idea. I asked her if this was about someone else in particular and she said no, just that it was something she thought could be good for us and could “break the routine”, allowing us to have new experiences knowing that we will be stronger because of this.
She told me that she’s so sure about our relationship that she’s willing to do this because she knows she wants to be with me, it’s just about new experiences and not about me or any doubts about or relationship.
That’s all fine and it completely makes sense to me. I would potentially be interested in meeting other people and having an open relationship, but the truth is that it scares me. Rationally speaking, I know monogamy is against our nature as animals and it’s very hard to be with the same person for many years without feeling the need of exploring new things. On the other hand, I never considered open relationships to be a good idea, and there’s where I’d really love your opinion. I don’t know anybody who’s ever been in one, but I’m afraid it might lead to heartbreak, jealousy, trust issues and breakup.
My girlfriend and I agree on the need to establish some ground rules, like no exes or no close friends. One of the rules she suggested was “no sex, just making out or fooling around”. Do you think it would be better – or less hard to tolerate? Do you have specific advice about establishing rules?
I know it’d be hard for me, but I also want to say yes to my girlfriend and try to make it work, if that’s what she wants. She brought it up four or five times already, so I’m sure it’s something she’s really thinking about. The thought of her “wanting more” scares me and upsets me, but I don’t know if it’s just pride or the realistic chance of losing her. I want to be mature about this and enjoy all the positive aspects, but I just don’t know if something like this could ever end up well for the both of us.
Thank you for you time
Opening The Door