My boyfriend and I have almost been together a full year. Things are beyond great, we’ve been discussing moving in together, but there is something that causes me to feel uneasy: he is friends with his ex.
When we first started dating I let him know that I was uncomfortable with this. He has assured me that they are only friends, but I still can’t shake this terrible feeling I get – especially, when he texts her often. It used to be where she would call him during our dates, yes he would answer, and then have long conversations about her own relationships and whatnot. She no longer calls him as often..at least when I’m around. But she leans on him as a source of comfort and it irks me.
I don’t ever get the full picture, but from what I hear, from what little he has shared with me, after they dated she fell for someone hard and it ended terribly and her confidence hasn’t been the same. But again, from my perspective, what she’s missing from her romantic relationships she get’s from my boyfriend. A shoulder to cry on, and someone to listen to her, someone that actually listens. My boyfriend is a great listener so I can understand why she would cling to that.
For a couple of months she backed off after he told her he couldn’t be there all the time for her. Slowly it reverted back to them texting often. I don’t feel as though he wants to be with her because he has told me time and time again that he is over her and wants to be with me. I’ve let him know that I have no interest in being with someone that wants to be with someone else, so if his feelings change…just let me know. I want to trust him, and it’s not that I don’t, but this is just so uncomfortable for me.
He values her friendship but this is more than just a typical friendship. I can’t help but feel this jealousy. I can’t see myself being the type of person that would issue an ultimatum because his feelings are important to me. He said he experienced feeling this way when he was dating his ex and she was close friends with her previous ex. I’m sorry I just don’t get being close friends with your ex. So he said he managed to deal with his jealousy and not really let it eat at him. What I also don’t get is, he knows how terrible it feels, so why would you put that upon your current relationship?
I feel this extreme guilt for feeling this way and for making him feel uneasy whenever he does take a call from her. The last thing I want is for him to not feel comfortable around me. But how do I deal with this jealousy? Any advice would be great. Thank you.