communication Archives - Page 2 of 14

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Tell My Girlfriend About My Kink?

March 27, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

(Doctor’s Note: Hey NerdLovers, I came down with a hellacious case of con crud after ECCC and I’m only about 60% recovered at the moment. Since I couldn’t get a new episode of the podcast out this week, y’all are getting a bonus column, with the possibility of a quick and dirty podcast episode by Friday. We’ll see. Meanwhile… enjoy!)

Hey Doc,

I have an unusual fetish. I’m a straight guy and still a virgin due to shyness and approach anxiety and since I was at least 17, I’ve noticed I have a tickling fetish. The idea of being consensually bound and tickled mercilessly by hot women, or me consensual tickling a hot, bound, ticklish women, or women gleefully do it to each other while permitting me to watch, (all of these activities with safe words and breaks) excites me like little else in the bedroom. I have ZERO idea why, and I’ve embraced this quirky fetish as an inherent part of my sexuality.

That being said, I’m a little insecure about it. First off, it’s not something I typically picture doing with a committed romantic partner, it’s more something I see doing with a casual sex partner. I’m honestly afraid to ask for it if I end up in a sexual situation with someone, as thought of tickling typically brings back terrible childhood memories (it does for me to, but I’m able to separate those memories from what I know seek to enjoy as a consenting adult.)

Every time the subject comes up on mainstream news sites or social media, 90% of the reaction (from men and women alike) seems to be how it’s such a creepy fetish to have.

So I’m honestly wary of bringing it up or pursuing it, and most BDSM networking sites intimidate me, and I’ve noticed the sites geared toward connecting people with this specific fetish are always huge sausage fests, where women’s personals get thousands of replies whereas straight men’s personals get zero. Is that much of a deal breaker? Is it a mark against me personally? Should I ask for it or just forget it and just accept that it will just remain a fantasy? How should I even ask for it?

Sincerely,
Insecurity Is No Laughing Matter

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Ex is Terrified of Me. What Do I Do?

March 25, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove

My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the year. It was something that tore both of us apart, to the point of her blocking me on all social media accounts. We tried a long distance relationship and at first it was good. We managed to see each other 4 times in the span of last year so her suddenly dropping off the map hurt like hell.

She still contacts friends of mine telling them how she wants to come visit and see them. It makes me feel invisible and unwanted at times when they tell me.

One night a couple of weeks ago, I decided to call her but she sent me to voicemail. I decided that I would send her an email telling her how I often felt like getting on a plane and going to see her so we could talk. Not in an attempt to get back together, but just get that face to face conversation we never had (the break up was over a video call) but I know she wasn’t the kind of girl to take an unannounced visit as a good thing.

Recently, I was talking to a mutual friend who told me that she was terrified of the fact that I would show up. Hearing this hurt me in a way I never expected. The last thing I ever wanted my ex to think about me is that I’m some crazy psycho.

I can’t get in contact with her and obviously I can’t explain myself to her. I’m a bit of a loss about what to do.

Not So Scary

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Our Sex Life?

March 22, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

I’ve been dating a particular woman (call her L) for over a month now. We’re pretty interested in each other, and if things continue like this, we’ll likely be in an official relationship soon. So far, so good, right?

With many other women, we’ve had sex by the 5th date. With L, we’ve been on 7 dates, made out multiple times on my bed, but no sex. That’s fine–I don’t want to rush her if she’s not ready. She also implied that she’s inexperienced with men, so maybe she’s a bit nervous sexually. I asked her briefly about this and she said she would be willing later in the relationship, and I didn’t press her to explain more.

I’m assuming L would eventually *want* to bang, just when she’s comfortable. But maybe not? Maybe her threshold is “1 year of dating”? I don’t want to wait a long time to find out I’m emotionally invested in someone who I’m not sexually compatible with (like, having the desire to have sex at least once a week).

How do I bring this topic up without sounding like I’m a dumb, horny dude?

Waiting To Begin

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Episode #108 – The Virgin’s Guide To Great Sex

February 27, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Many virgin men– especially older virgins — believe that no woman’s going to want to sleep with a guy who has no experience… but they can’t they get that experience without having sex.

So let’s ruin any chance of this video being monetized and talk about what anyone — even a virgin — can do that will make them an amazing lover.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

What women REALLY think of male virgins
Why understanding YOUR needs can help you fulfill HERS
The one thing men DON’T do (but they SHOULD) before their first time
Why you need to use your tongue (but not like that)
How to avoid being a “one minute man” in bed

… and so much more.

RELATED LINKS:

Sex For Beginners

Busting The Fear of Virginity

Be The Greatest Lover She’s Ever Known

F*ck Like A Gentleman (pt.1)

The Virginity Paradox

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcripts available at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can This Long Distance Relationship Work?

February 8, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc!

I use social media a lot, which has made me a lot of friends. Our social circles always begin to intermingle and before you know it I have friends all over the world. I got into contact with one girl this way who’s gorgeous and into a lot of the same things I am, and naturally I developed a bit of a crush. The problem is, though, that she lives in another country. Remarkably, I managed to wake myself up to the idea that developing feelings for someone I’ll never see in-person and only communicate with through tweets was a terrible idea that could only end badly, and so I put those feelings aside, we stayed online pals, and everything was all good.

Then at the end of last year I was on holidays and posting updates and photos from my trip. She posted a few replies to those that were a bit flirty, but I’m the worst at misinterpreting friendliness for flirting and so I just posted some jokey replies and didn’t think much of it. But then as we’re talking she suggests that my next trip could be to visit her town. It turns out she’s actually not too far away from a friend I was planning on meeting up with this year, so I tell her it’s a possibility and we’re both excited by the idea.

A short while later she shows up in my DMs and we get talking a bit more normally than just tweeting jokes and short comments between us and our shared friends. She starts sounding flirty again and I respond a bit reservedly because I’m afraid of just seeing what I want to see in her messages. But then, and I have no idea how we actually got onto the topic, but we start talking about dating and relationships and she mentions that she would totally date me. I respond saying I would happily date her as well, and next thing I know she’s given me her number so we can properly chat with each other. Now, I’m pretty confident that that’s a sign of some kind of interest.

Fast forward to now, a little over a month later. I’m going to be making a trip in a few months to visit her and my other friend I was intending to meet up with, and I sent her some souvenirs from my trip which she loved. She and I have been talking regularly and have gotten a lot closer, but the conversations haven’t gotten as flirty as they did to start with – on my end it’s because I rarely have much success in the dating department and now that I seem to be onto a good thing I’m terrified of coming on too strong and scaring her off. On her end it could be the same thing, or she could have changed her mind, or I’ve misread some playful flirting for something more. I’m really confused how to work out where I stand with her, and what to do if I’m standing where I want to be. If she were local I’d just bite the bullet and ask her out, and if she turns me down then no big deal; I’ve been through that before and stayed friends with those girls. But with the distance being what it is I’m not sure what my next move should be, and whether I should be making it before, during or after the upcoming trip. Then if we do hit things off, what’s the best way to approach a long distance relationship to avoid it being the fiery disaster I’m worried it could be. I’m willing to put in the work, but first I want to figure out if there’s actually something to put work into. Do you have any advice?

Thanks so much!

Hopeless International Romantic

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