communication Archives - Page 2 of 15

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Rebuild My Confidence?

June 21, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,
It’s been a year since I joined the military, and looking back, I’m in a much better spot now than I was then. When I joined, I had just withdrawn from college due to drug addiction and was living with my parents, feeling like dirt. I joined because I felt like I needed a kick in the ass, I was tired of feeling like a flunky who blew his chance at a good life, and I wanted to try and start a career in a different direction.

A year later, and I’ve got a much better relationship with my parents, I’ve lost weight, and I’m doing well financially. By all metrics, I feel like life is going better, and that I’ve made immense improvements to myself.

So why can’t I stop feeling like a fucking loser?

When I was skipping class, doing drugs, ignoring my well-being and relationships, I was getting more dates than ever and felt more confident than I do now, despite my life being in shambles. In my mind, I went from an awkward nerd who had trouble talking to people let alone women, to someone who partied, hung out with friends, and could chat up women easy.

Everything fell apart. And I’ve built myself back up. But I’m not valuing that. And I can’t stop thinking that the me that appears when I’m an addict is more appealing than the me that has my shit together.

I can’t even trust my own mind. I guess that’s why I’m asking you; How can I get myself to start valuing my accomplishments again? I want to have the same confidence I had before but without the same self-destructive habits.

Very respectfully,
Hyde wishing he was Jekyll

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Date Out Of My League?

April 15, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

So Doc, I need to figure out how to date a better quality of person.

You see I’m a uni dropout, working a minimum wage job and at his early 20s is still living with his parents. So I’m not exactly the full package, barely any friends, not respected at all and why should I be, I’m a modern day peasant or serf.

Now I absolutely believe that I could get a slacker woman with no plans for the future (my dreams of being a writer are fanciful and will likely never happen) but I don’t want that, existing and barely subsisting while getting shit on by the general public for a living.

What I hope for one day is a woman with dreams and ambitions that she has achieved and is in the process of achieving, not a useless being who’ll likely stay in her hometown her whole life (like I have, regrettably).

Where the hell do I find women who actually take interests in things and are actually good at something, because they sure aren’t in minimum wage. Incidentally, I am good at very little so there is likely going to be a prerequisite to being able to get into a relationship, hobbies, happiness , self confidence, that type of thing.

Shit, maybe I should travel the world…or at least more of my home country. I’ve been branching out more into things like organic coffee shops and independent burger bars and things like that, but I feel way too out of place there, like I’m some poser commoner who should slop his unworthy ass back to McDonald’s.

I mean shit, minimum wage workers very rarely find love and if they do, it’d be with other minimum wage workers (I assume). I also feel a lot of shame when talking about my job, it reminds me of everything I’ve failed at, failing out of uni after so much work and taking a low-end position to make ends meet.

I guess I just don’t have much of a life right now and I’ll have to work harder at getting one, joining clubs, getting into a team sport, going to concerts, just like everyone else.

I’m quite far behind Doc, ì need to catch up on building a better life, although some practice dating and asking people out in person would be ideal as online dating is not proving fruitful. I don’t quite believe that people actually ask each other out in person anymore but perhaps I can be proven wrong.

Thank you
Retail Drone

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Want to Date Younger Women. What Should I Do?

April 5, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi Doc,

Thanks for all the hard work and great articles, lots of great advice which has helped in the past – your book New Game+ has been a huge benefit to me. My question is a quick one, around how sexual desire changes when you get older.

I’ll hold my hands up and say from the get-go that I myself am very young, only 26! However, I’ve have usually been in relationships with older women (10+ years older than me). Recently, I have been in a wonderful, loving relationship with an older women over the past year or so. However, in my day to day life, I come across lots of other interesting and attractive women, many of whom are young (18-26, I work at a college). Understandably, I find many of them sexually attractive – but I struggle on a somewhat daily basis with feelings of guilt and lust, as I am noticing the age-related differences between the younger girls and my partner more frequently.

Concurrently, I was listening to podcast by Russell Brand recently, and he mentioned how he has gotten to the point of having such a rich spiritual and emotional connection with his wife that he doesn’t feel the need to put another person in between that space anymore. This got me thinking – as you age (50+, 60+, 70+), your lusts for nubile flesh and younger women (or men) must be increasingly harder to fulfill. Instead, you will need to prioritise experiencing the whole emotional and spiritual connection with another person in its entirety (rather than just wanting them for their hot ass!). I am also aware of your other blog post about how society fetishises younger women of a certain demographic, and we are living in an Instagram and porn-addicted world where our standards of sex are enormously warped.

So, tell me Doc, can you successfully lust after young, nubile partners as you age – will it make you happy, and sexually satisfied? Or should we instead prioritise only valuing the spiritual connection with another person during sex? Or can you have both?

Benjamin Button

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Episode #110 – The Truth About Women And Casual Sex

March 29, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Why aren’t more women interested in casual sex? What can guys do to find women who’re interested in a no-strings hook-up? It’s time to talk about the TRUTH about women, casual sex and how to find it…

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

▶︎ Why women prefer relationships to hook-ups and casual partners
▶︎ How the orgasm gap affects our relationships
▶︎ Why being The Cool Girl works against women AND men
▶︎ Why “casual” sex is BAD sex
▶︎ What men can do to find more casual, no strings hook-ups

…and so much more

▶︎ 5 Rules For Better Hook-Ups

▶︎ What Women Wish Men Knew About Good Sex

▶︎ Who REALLY Has The Power In Dating?

▶︎ Stop Calling It ‘Casual Sex’

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcripts available at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Am I Wrong To Be Jealous of His Ex?

March 29, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (32M) for almost a year and I’m jealous of the relationship he has with his ex. He texts with his ex all day and he tells me they are just really good friends. They rarely hang out in person. This woman has been in his life for 6 years and they were engaged to be married. The engagement ended because they disagreed about the subject of children.

I feel like they have a connection that I’ll never have with him. He tells me that they are just friends and he loves me. I feel like I’m the backup and they will reconnect in the future thus leaving me. Am I crazy for feeling jealous?

– Ol’ Green Eyes

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