communication Archives - Page 2 of 13

Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Ex is Terrified of Me. What Do I Do?

March 25, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove

My ex and I broke up at the beginning of the year. It was something that tore both of us apart, to the point of her blocking me on all social media accounts. We tried a long distance relationship and at first it was good. We managed to see each other 4 times in the span of last year so her suddenly dropping off the map hurt like hell.

She still contacts friends of mine telling them how she wants to come visit and see them. It makes me feel invisible and unwanted at times when they tell me.

One night a couple of weeks ago, I decided to call her but she sent me to voicemail. I decided that I would send her an email telling her how I often felt like getting on a plane and going to see her so we could talk. Not in an attempt to get back together, but just get that face to face conversation we never had (the break up was over a video call) but I know she wasn’t the kind of girl to take an unannounced visit as a good thing.

Recently, I was talking to a mutual friend who told me that she was terrified of the fact that I would show up. Hearing this hurt me in a way I never expected. The last thing I ever wanted my ex to think about me is that I’m some crazy psycho.

I can’t get in contact with her and obviously I can’t explain myself to her. I’m a bit of a loss about what to do.

Not So Scary

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Talk To My Girlfriend About Our Sex Life?

March 22, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

I’ve been dating a particular woman (call her L) for over a month now. We’re pretty interested in each other, and if things continue like this, we’ll likely be in an official relationship soon. So far, so good, right?

With many other women, we’ve had sex by the 5th date. With L, we’ve been on 7 dates, made out multiple times on my bed, but no sex. That’s fine–I don’t want to rush her if she’s not ready. She also implied that she’s inexperienced with men, so maybe she’s a bit nervous sexually. I asked her briefly about this and she said she would be willing later in the relationship, and I didn’t press her to explain more.

I’m assuming L would eventually *want* to bang, just when she’s comfortable. But maybe not? Maybe her threshold is “1 year of dating”? I don’t want to wait a long time to find out I’m emotionally invested in someone who I’m not sexually compatible with (like, having the desire to have sex at least once a week).

How do I bring this topic up without sounding like I’m a dumb, horny dude?

Waiting To Begin

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Episode #108 – The Virgin’s Guide To Great Sex

February 27, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Many virgin men– especially older virgins — believe that no woman’s going to want to sleep with a guy who has no experience… but they can’t they get that experience without having sex.

So let’s ruin any chance of this video being monetized and talk about what anyone — even a virgin — can do that will make them an amazing lover.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

What women REALLY think of male virgins
Why understanding YOUR needs can help you fulfill HERS
The one thing men DON’T do (but they SHOULD) before their first time
Why you need to use your tongue (but not like that)
How to avoid being a “one minute man” in bed

… and so much more.

RELATED LINKS:

Sex For Beginners

Busting The Fear of Virginity

Be The Greatest Lover She’s Ever Known

F*ck Like A Gentleman (pt.1)

The Virginity Paradox

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcripts available at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can This Long Distance Relationship Work?

February 8, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc!

I use social media a lot, which has made me a lot of friends. Our social circles always begin to intermingle and before you know it I have friends all over the world. I got into contact with one girl this way who’s gorgeous and into a lot of the same things I am, and naturally I developed a bit of a crush. The problem is, though, that she lives in another country. Remarkably, I managed to wake myself up to the idea that developing feelings for someone I’ll never see in-person and only communicate with through tweets was a terrible idea that could only end badly, and so I put those feelings aside, we stayed online pals, and everything was all good.

Then at the end of last year I was on holidays and posting updates and photos from my trip. She posted a few replies to those that were a bit flirty, but I’m the worst at misinterpreting friendliness for flirting and so I just posted some jokey replies and didn’t think much of it. But then as we’re talking she suggests that my next trip could be to visit her town. It turns out she’s actually not too far away from a friend I was planning on meeting up with this year, so I tell her it’s a possibility and we’re both excited by the idea.

A short while later she shows up in my DMs and we get talking a bit more normally than just tweeting jokes and short comments between us and our shared friends. She starts sounding flirty again and I respond a bit reservedly because I’m afraid of just seeing what I want to see in her messages. But then, and I have no idea how we actually got onto the topic, but we start talking about dating and relationships and she mentions that she would totally date me. I respond saying I would happily date her as well, and next thing I know she’s given me her number so we can properly chat with each other. Now, I’m pretty confident that that’s a sign of some kind of interest.

Fast forward to now, a little over a month later. I’m going to be making a trip in a few months to visit her and my other friend I was intending to meet up with, and I sent her some souvenirs from my trip which she loved. She and I have been talking regularly and have gotten a lot closer, but the conversations haven’t gotten as flirty as they did to start with – on my end it’s because I rarely have much success in the dating department and now that I seem to be onto a good thing I’m terrified of coming on too strong and scaring her off. On her end it could be the same thing, or she could have changed her mind, or I’ve misread some playful flirting for something more. I’m really confused how to work out where I stand with her, and what to do if I’m standing where I want to be. If she were local I’d just bite the bullet and ask her out, and if she turns me down then no big deal; I’ve been through that before and stayed friends with those girls. But with the distance being what it is I’m not sure what my next move should be, and whether I should be making it before, during or after the upcoming trip. Then if we do hit things off, what’s the best way to approach a long distance relationship to avoid it being the fiery disaster I’m worried it could be. I’m willing to put in the work, but first I want to figure out if there’s actually something to put work into. Do you have any advice?

Thanks so much!

Hopeless International Romantic

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Tell Someone We’re Not Exclusive?

February 6, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dr NerdLove,

I need help on how best to navigate the period between when I meet someone I am interested in dating and when we actually decide to date exclusively.

Here’s my situation. I’m a guy, and about a month ago I met a guy (T) that lives in a different city that is a 4-hour drive away. We met while we were both on vacation in a beach resort and we hit it off immediately. He is a good quality guy that seems awesome for me except for one item – I am not 100% sexually attracted to him… I’m at about 60%. He is a great kisser (a huge sexual factor for me), and the over-all connection is there so I’m still trying to figure out if the level of sexual attraction is a deal breaker or not.

Since meeting T, I have driven twice to his city and we have spent 4-5 amazing days together on each trip. We’ve had a great time together each time. When we are apart, we text each other daily. He is planning to spend next weekend with me in my city.

A few days after I met T, but before my first trip to his city, I met another guy (M). M lives in the same city I do, plays the same sport (which is how we met), and on a scale of 1 to 10 in sexual attraction, M is a 12!

Initially, I thought M was just going to be a short-term sexual fling. There is a big age gap between us, so I didn’t have any expectations for it being anything other than a one or two-time sexual thing. However, to my surprise, we’ve been seeing each other almost every day, having meals together, going to the movies, museums… pretty much – dating. We seem more compatible than I initially expected.

Neither guy knows that I am dating two people. Hell, it’s possible they are also dating other people. Right? However, my conscience is starting to pressure me to make a decision. Yet I am not quite ready to choose one person to date exclusively… My brain right now chooses T, while my junk chooses M.

My question to you is – what is the best ethical way to navigate this initial period? This is the first time I’ve dated two people at the same time. Do I continue the “don’t ask, don’t tell” rule? Explicitly telling them I’m dating other people seems like a sure way to shoot my own foot and lose both.

Thanks for your help!

Exploring before choosing

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