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You are here: Home / Archives for communication

Build Your Perfect Relationship

July 10, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 89 Comments

We all want to have an amazing relationship. The problem is that most of us go about it the wrong way. See, one of the mistakes we make when it comes to relationships is that we tend to assume there’s one way to have them. We accept the default mode without thinking about it. Worse: we rarely talk about what we expect from a relationship until after it’s started to fall apart.

The mistake is that – once we’ve chosen our partner – we tend to assume the work is done. The credits are going to roll and everything else is going to be sitcom-esque bliss, complete with laugh tracks and neighbors with curious ideas about boundaries. Then, three fights later about cake batter and alternate uses for pastry bags, and your slice of Heaven has turned into a new layer of Hell.

“WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO PUT K-Y IN THERE?!” “YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF FANTASY!”

When we let relationships just “happen”, we increase the likelihood of conflict and ugly break-ups. But by taking the time in the beginning of a relationship, we can build the love affair of our dreams.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communication, Level Up, Relationships, Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, dating, level up, money, relationships, sex, sex after marriage

Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #30 – Dealing With Jealousy

May 25, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 1 Comment

One of the inevitabilities when it comes to relationships – whether you’re currently in one or just trying to be – is that you’re going to deal with feelings of insecurity, jealousy and envy. No couple, no matter how perfect, isn’t going to deal with pangs of jealousy. Nobody, no how amazing, is immune from envy. Even non-monogamous couples who get turned on by their partners sleeping with other people deal with jealousy on the regular. The key – regardless of the type of relationship or how many people are involved – isn’t in avoiding jealousy but in knowing how to handle it. 

This week, we’re going to talk about recognizing jealousy… and what to do about it.

Show Highlights:

  • The difference between jealousy and envy, and why it’s important to know which is which
  • How jealousy and envy manifest in unexpected ways
  • What you feel physically can tell you about how you feel emotionally
  • Identifying the root causes of jealousy
  • The importance of accepting your feels

and so much more…

Related Links

How To Handle Your Inconvenient Emotions

Don’t Let Your Fear Hold You Back

What One Man’s Mistake Can Teach Us About Open Relationships

How To Deal With Jealousy

Better Communication Can Save Your Relationship

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Filed Under: Podcasts Tagged With: communication, envy, jealousy, podcasts, relationships

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Comfortable Talking About Sex?

May 19, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 60 Comments

Hey Dr. NerdLove,

I’m a 21 year old guy from the UK and I’ve been reading your site for about a year and a half. During that time I’m happy to say I’ve made some great improvements to my life; I’ve become conscious about my diet and started working out with a friend, have been building my confidence and have started dressing much better than ever. Unfortunately, I’ve hit a wall with women because I’m not comfortable talking about sexual subjects. At all. With anyone. I even find it difficult to talk about hot celebrities with my guy friends, that’s how bad we’re talking. I should be specific here and point out that I’m not (to the best of my knowledge) insecure about my sexuality. I used to be but after reading up and becoming more educated I’ve grown comfortable and believe, as far as mentality goes, I’m secure in my sexuality, I don’t find myself worried about any thoughts or fantasies I have and hearing other people talk about sex doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, it’s strictly me voicing opinions and thoughts that I struggle with.

For some context I was generally a loner when I grew up, I’m an introvert so I’ve always been the most comfortable in my own imagination. In primary school I only really had about three friends and my best friend had autism (I don’t hold that against him, he’s a great guy) so it wasn’t really much of a talkative social group to grow up in. At high school I had it pretty rough, I was bullied a great deal by a great many people, both the usual variety, and stuff like girls fake flirting/touching me because they knew it would make me uncomfortable. I should also point out I was a late bloomer puberty wise, I only really started getting interested in girls when I was 14, and most of my friends started at around 12, so I was mostly alone in the dark when they started talking about the girls in class. I eventually fell in with a new group of friends after a few years but by then I already had a pretty toxic personality, I’d decided that crushing any thoughts or feelings I had was better for me given how I’d been treated. I used to hate seeing other guys stress or worry about impressing girls and thought I was superior for rising above that and being alone, even when I had a fairly well known crush on one of the girls in class.

Needless to say this resulted in me never really getting comfortable talking about sex or girls, and now even though I’m making real progress with other aspects of my life this hang up is a real problem. It is impossible for me to flirt or even give a compliment to a girl, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve considered online dating but I think this will just cut out the approaching angle and leave me unable to flirt or be sexual on a date, after all how am I supposed to be flirtatious with a girl when I feel awkward telling my friends how hot Emilia Clarke is? So, any advice to help me build my comfort and ease myself into talking about sex? I’d appreciate any help or advice you had.

Thanks,

Talking Bad

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Ask Dr. NerdLove, Communication Tagged With: ask dr. nerdlove, communication, sex, trust

Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #29 – How To Talk So People Will Listen

May 18, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Living an interesting life is makes you a more interesting, attractive person, but you need to be able to share those experiences. And that means knowing how to convey them in ways that keep people interested. We’ve all encountered people who are in love with the sound of their own voice and talk endlessly or who insist on dominating the entire conversation and don’t let other people get a word in edgewise. These people end up boring or alienating their audience. 

Whether you’re talking to one person or a group, you want to be sure that when you talk, people will want to listen.

Show Highlights:

  • The key to keeping people listening to you: being a good listener yourself.
  • The importance of using your voice effectively when you talk.
  • How facial expressions and tonality can change the meaning of what you say and keep people engaged.
  • How to make even the most boring subject fascinating.
  • Why you need to tailor your stories to your audience

…and so much more.

Related Links:

Networking For Beginners

The Power of Expressiveness

5 Different Ways To Boost Your Charisma

How To Be Funny

Mission Impossible 3 – Traffic Engineer Scene

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes and on Stitcher.

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Filed Under: Communication, Podcasts Tagged With: be more interesting, communication, emotional intelligence, podcasts

What Women Wish Men Knew About Good Sex

May 8, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 191 Comments

Good sex and sexual satisfaction is an important part of maintaining a happy relationship. Unfortunately, it’s also something that many straight couples struggle with. In fact, a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that heterosexual women had the fewest orgasms. The study, conducted by The Kinsey Institute, Indiana University and Chapman University found that while 98% of heterosexual men achieved orgasm during sex, only 65% of heterosexual women did. Meanwhile, 89% of gay men, 86% of gay women and 88% of bi men. Bi women came in second to last at 66%.

Three cheers for checking reproducibility in the name of scientific rigor.

For many women, this was a “no duh” moment. After all, as scientists have confirmed before: one of the primary reasons why women aren’t into casual sex is that, well, straight dudes kind of suck in bed.  And the sad truth is: it doesn’t take that much to be a legend in bed… if you just pay a little attention.

Here is a little of what women wish guys knew about sex.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Sex, Skills Tagged With: be a better lover, communication, good sex, sex, skills

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About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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Recent Comments

  • Mike Something I'd like to add LW1, I'm going to suggest an exercise I also recently suggested to another LW recently: if you find yourself in a situation like this again where you have just begun dating...

    Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why Do People Say “It’s Not You, It’s Me?” ·  February 20, 2019

  • aennilla LW1: The Doc and others have already pointed out that you seemed to overinvest in this woman, and I wholeheartedly agree with what they had to say. The "It's not you, it's me" is often used because...

    Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why Do People Say “It’s Not You, It’s Me?” ·  February 20, 2019

  • aennilla LW2: I think PintsizeBro hit the nail right on the head there. People often think that intimacy disappears when they stop having sex, not realizing that the reason sex stopped is because they for some...

    Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why Do People Say “It’s Not You, It’s Me?” ·  February 20, 2019

  • PintsizeBro LW1, I hope this doesn't come off as condescending because that's not how I mean it, but your mindset exactly reflects your current age. Even if you hadn't mentioned your age and college, I would have...

    Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why Do People Say “It’s Not You, It’s Me?” ·  February 20, 2019

  • PintsizeBro LW2, you mention the lack of kissing almost as an afterthought, but that strikes me as the place to start. It sounds like your husband has retreated from non-sexual physical affection as well. Do you...

    Ask Dr. NerdLove: Why Do People Say “It’s Not You, It’s Me?” ·  February 20, 2019

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