Hi Doc, whenever I’m out and see someone that I like, the three man things that come to my head are:
1. “She probably been asked out by many guys, better not bother her like the others”
2. “She is just being nice and I’ll just make it weird, better not bother her”.
3. “I read that it’s unacceptable to ask someone out in this location, better not bother her”
I unfortunately have Aspergers Syndrome and never been in a relationship or had sex. Not that it makes me less of a person but I often feel undesirable which would be understandable due to my ASD. It never bothered until last year, I don’t know why. To be honest if there was a pill or a procedure that would get rid of my desire to be in a relationship/have sex I would take it instantly (unless they had a cure for autism of course).
I often read experiences as well as hear the women in my life say that they often get a lot of unwanted attention when in public which is understandable. I’m not scared of rejection, I’m scared of creeping someone out because people have called me that a lot when I was younger with my weird quirks. I tried online dating and made an effort with the profile, even showed my male and female friends but have little success. I would stop but I feel like it’s the only ethical way to date because at least most people are there with the purpose of hooking up or to get to a long term relationship.
I don’t want to date my friends because whenever I become friends with a woman, I immediately lose attraction and see them more as a sister and it seems weird and desperate to ask if they have single friends.
Work is off the table since I will be working in management and would be unethical and wrong to date coworkers. On top of that all my hobbies are solo/male dominated and wouldn’t feel right asking a woman out in those environments because they likely had many annoying guys approach them.
Fortunately I have improved and can talk to anyone platonically, over the years I managed to completely change my personality through a trial and error process so can (for lack of a better term) appear normal and act like a functional human being. I am doing well professionally and academically so I’m not completely defective.
I know that this sounds like one of those asking for permission to give up posts but I looked statistics that showed that ASD men are more likely to remain single and never be in a relationship (can’t remember source but it was from an official autism organization). Worst case scenario it’s not the end of the world if I never experience a relationship or have sex, I’ll keep trying but if I can change my personality then surely I can find ways to cope with this. I acknowledge that I am not entitled nor deserve a relationship/sex and it’s not on women to alleviate my insecurities that are insignificant in comparison to their daily experiences of harassment.
Thanks in advance,
Defective Homo Sapiens.