Hi Dr. NerdLove,
I am a gay 31 year-old guy, and was propositioned by a married couple (whom I’ve been friends with for years) to have a threesome. I had never engaged in a threesome, and told them I had heard horror stories about it ruining friendships, and that I valued our friendship more than any fleeting sexual experience.
The mastermind of the whole plan, let’s call him Beta, assured me that after 18 years of being together with his partner they were both comfortable and looking forward to expanding their sexual horizons. He said, “After 18 years we want you to be the first person we let into our bedroom.” Flattering as that was, I still had my reservations.
I’ve always had a little bit of a crush on Beta’s partner, let’s call him Sigma, and that’s probably the only reason why I considered it in the first place… Sigma was excited about it too, and one night after dinner and drinks, it happened. I tried to pay equal attention to both of them, as to not make anyone feel left out. We had a great time, and it went on for 3.5 hours until Beta said, okay, I’ve had enough, haven’t you guys? We agreed to wrap things up, and then I slept in the guest bedroom. Next morning they made me breakfast, I hugged them both goodbye, and drove home.
Over the next few days I still chatted with Sigma about how great the experience was, but immediately got radio silence from Beta. He was busy, or stressed at work, or had something important he had to do. He then stopped inviting me to events, and was rude to me at the ones where we happened to cross paths. Sigma came up to me and kissed me on the neck at a bar a few weeks later, but I told him, “I’m pretty sure your husband has an issue with me now, so we should probably interact with different people over the course of the night.”
I’m annoyed that it was all Beta’s idea, and now he’s the one with the problem. I would have never initiated anything like that with either of them, and I feel like Beta used me for what he wanted and then kicked me to the curb. I don’t know how he can just throw away our friendship like that after so many years…
While I’m super angry with Beta, not sure how I can salvage my relationship with Sigma. I’ve been keeping my distance as to not pour gas on the bridge we seemed to have burned. What would you recommend? How can I re-enter the friend-zone after Beta decided to shut me out? Why do you think he shut me out? They are both still experimenting with other people in their bedroom, so I don’t think being the third was the issue.
Thanks for any advice you have to give. I should have gone with my gut and known it was a bad idea to mix sex and friendship. It take three to menage, so I’m just as guilty as Beta…
– Man In The Middle