DEAR DR. NERDLOVE,
I met this girl when we both started a new job a few months back. We hit it off fast, and by the middle of the 2nd week, we were already hooking up. Since we work together and barely knew anyone, we kept it under wraps (and still haven’t told anyone as far as I know.) But we kept sortadating. She’s a nerd (albeit of a different variety), we had a lot in common personally, and I really enjoyed being around her even when we weren’t naked. At first, she told me she had a “fiancée” in another city, and then a couple weeks in, he freaked out because she mentioned me in passing. Apparently she thought they had an understanding. She told me up front that she wasn’t big on monogamy and I was ok with that. I told her i just wanted her to be honest with me. Then we carpooled to said Another City to visit our own circles of people – turns out they had a fight and she was done with him for good (they had been long distance, he let himself go, wanted her to quit and move their for a nebulous job), she took me home and we had wild hot monkey sex. It was exclusively us since then as far as I know.
Fast forward, we’re still sortadating. Our home circles (her aunt, my siblings) know and have met. We do normal couples shit. But recently, she’s been pushing away on sex. Like hardcore. We used to fool around all. the. time. Even playing around during the monthly sweeps. Now, she talks to me like I’m a creeper We still spend the night together, but I feel like I’m totally friendzoned here. I’ve cared about her since day 3, it’s only gotten stronger (and feels like it is A Thing) but I’m confused and starting to get frustrated.
I don’t do jealous. I do overthink things, however. She’s seemed to program this other coworker into the situation, where she brings him up a lot and spends more time with him than me. I don’t begrudge her friends – we are both new to town and I think it’s good that she has people to hang out with besides me. Hell, I like the guy too. I’m just starting to wonder if she’s already decided I’m boring in bed and is fishing for new fun. It’s feeling like I’m the emotional tampon and the massage guy, but I’m not acceptable fuck material. Thinking it may be a game, I’ve basically backed off. It’s hard to try withdrawing contact because she’s literally right next to me for 10 hours a day, but I’ve stuck to close friend talk. People there have suspicions, but it’s still will they/won’t they shit. She continues to bring up other dudes in passing, or how she got hit on by random creep. Still wants me to come work on her back or help her figure out Work Crisis X. At the same time, she’s previously flat out told me she couldn’t deal with it if I “cheated” on her even though it’s never been an issue for me.
I don’t know how to play this. I’m not going to get myself worked up in a frenzy, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me a lot. There are aphorisms that rap’s taught me about making housewives playing in my head in my worst moments. Sorry it was so TL;DR. Any suggestions?
– No Time For This Jibba Jabba