Hi there Doc,
I’m a 21 year old male, I go to college, go to work, just your normal everyday man. I need help understanding why this girl isn’t interested in me anymore.
It all started at my buddy’s house, let’s call him Alpha. Alpha and I were discussing how my dating life is going. I told him not so good, I’m looking for someone to be with. Out of nowhere he texts this girl, Chi, he knows and puts in a good word about me. She and I graduated from high-school together, but I never really gave her much thought. Turns out that she lives right behind me, so I figured “Why not, let’s give it a shot, I might have a diamond in the rough here.”
When she responded to Alpha, she said she thought I was very good looking, which was enough for me to decide contact her. I text her and we hit it off, everything’s great. We text for a couple of days and eventually I asked her out to dinner. She said yes. We went to dinner and had one hell of a good time, the chemistry seemed to work perfectly. At the end the night, we go back to my house and where we’re cuddling in bed, making out, watching movies and drinking wine through the late night. Eventually I dropped her off at her place. We both had a great time and we’re already making future plans to see each other again.
We continue texting each other morning till night for the next couple of days. We’re flirting and sharing and deep thoughts about one another via text and how good that date was. Eventually we hung out again at her house – two days ago, in fact. I show up at her house, we go up in her room, I help her with some homework and we just watch some romantic comedies on Netflix. During all of this, it feels like we have the same amount of energy and connection as we did on the first date. I meet her parents, had a great conversation, they seemed to like me. At the end of the night, I said my goodbyes and went home.
The next morning we started texting like usual, when all the sudden out of nowhere she sends me this: “I don’t want to waste your time and I think you’re such a great person, you did nothing wrong, but I’m not in the right mindset to talk to someone rn. I’m going thru a lot of stuff w myself and I don’t think I am ready for any sort of relationship. I would love to stay friends with you because I think you are such an amazing person. I am seriously so so sorry you did absolutely nothing wrong”. Immediately I start to freak out as I have become extremely emotionally invested in this girl. I’ve never had chemistry like this with anyone before. Yeah, we have only been talking for less than a week mind you but this is the first time I have been with a girl in 3 years. I have not received any sort of attention or affection from any women, so I guess you could say I was all over that like a fly on shit, I’m a sap for that stuff.
My main problem here is that everything seemed to be going picture perfect, just like out of a movie, when out of nowhere, Chi sends me that text that she isn’t interested and I’m just left here to pick up the pieces. What the hell, this always happens, I start talking to a girl we hit it off great talk about how much we like each other and at the end I always end up my fucking heart played with pardon my French. All I want at this point in time is someone I can call my own, something to come home to. Who knows maybe my mindset does not represent my current age.
I’m hoping maybe you could shed a different perspective on this.
It’s Not Her, It’s Me
I am a long time reader of your blog and I would like to thank you for all your good advice. I have pretty much all the general nerd problems when trying to find a girlfriend, and you seem to tackle all of them in your articles.
However I have an additional problem that is added to the usual problems. And that problem is, I have a chronic illness. It is not really noticable now, but it will get worse over time, since it is progressive. It is slowly attacking my nerves, and I might even end up in a wheelchair.
I really want a long term relationship, so this is something my hypothetical future girlfriend will have to deal with. And there in lies the problem.
First of all: How and when do I tell her about my disease? Too early, and she would probably run away. Too late and she would think I am dishonest. All the advice I could find on relationships and chronic illnesses is about dealing with it when you already have a partner.
Secondly, a guy who also has the disease told me that he failed to take into account when he got the disease, his girlfriend also ‘got it’. It cost him his relationship. I am not convinced girls see me as good boyfriend material anyway, and adding this illness to it only makes it worse. I feel like I would be complicating a persons life,and I hate that.
I hope you can give me some sound advice,