emotional intelligence Archives - Page 2 of 16

Episode #87 – How To Overcome Neediness

August 1, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

When it comes to dating, there is one common issue that men have that will kill any chance you have to build attraction or a relationship: neediness.

Neediness and needy behavior is the Anti-Sex equation. No matter what else you have going for you in your life — you could travel the world, you could be world famous, you could be a millionaire with a mansion and a yacht — neediness will ultimately make people nope the hell out of your life, whether you’re in a relationship, or just trying to start one. Neediness drives people away because it’s that’s a sign that someone’s just not ready for a relationship.

But overcoming neediness isn’t about following rules like “only text X number of times” or “only see her Y times per week”… it’s about addressing the source of needy behavior.

Show Highlights:

Why women are turned off by needy behavior
How neediness is a sign of other dating deal-breakers
Why men with low self-esteem have a harder time finding lasting relationships
How fear causes needy behavior
Why most men never overcome neediness

…and so much more.

Related Links:

Where Do You Get Your Validation?

The Problem With Neediness

Eliminating Neediness

Avoid These Dating Deal Breakers

Better Dating Through Mind Control

Listen Here
Download Here

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Become Emotionally Stronger?

July 30, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

So, of my many neuroses, two of them are general anxiety and depression. And… they can get pretty bad.

See, sometimes I fuck up. Everybody does. But because of how my mind works, oftentimes the line of thought following my mistake escalates into what my family calls a “pity party;” I hide in my room, crying because I’m overwhelmed by my emotions, and there’s nothing I can do but wait for the episode to pass.

Here is my concern: I worry that, even if I am handsome and friendly and good-hearted (which people have told me I am), I can’t imagine any woman being willing to deal with my depressive episodes. Maybe they’d tolerate it ONCE, but when it happened again they’d get sick of it and piss off.

I freely admit that I’m a crybaby, and once I get stressed and upset, there’s nothing to do except wait for that mood to end. Because I can’t exactly cure my mental problems, there is nothing I can do to change it.

My friends have told me that any woman worth dating would be understanding and try to help me, but… somehow, I doubt it. I literally can’t imagine a potential girlfriend wanting to stay with my after two of my breakdowns. Humans have limits on the amount of BS they’re willing to tolerate. It’s not realistic.

What do I do about this?

Cry Baby Cry

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater

July 23, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi Dr. NerdLove,

I have been a loyal reader of your column for a long time now and always think you give great advice and really get to the heart of things. My question isn’t really asking for advice so much as asking what your thoughts are on something I’ve noticed a lot in comment sections and online discussions, both on this site and lots of other places (and in offline life too)!

Backstory: Ten years ago, I cheated on my husband, which resulted in us getting a divorce. I had lots of reasons for cheating (my husband was emotionally distant, the thrill of something new, the fact that the other person was moving away and there was a heightened sense of “now or never” to it), but the bottom line is that I cheated, and it was a horrible dick move, and although I’m happier now that I’m out of that marriage, that was definitely not the right way to go about self-destructing it. I was entirely in the wrong and I feel bad about it, but at this point there’s nothing I can do to change what happened.

My question is that there’s this culture of unforgiveness when it comes to cheaters, and it bothers me. I know what I did back then was wrong, but so many people act like cheaters are irredeemable assholes who should never be trusted in a relationship again no matter what. Even outside of the dating world, infidelity is talked about like it’s something that is just a permanent moral failure that can’t ever be forgiven. I’ve had friends who pretty much dumped me when they found out why my marriage failed. I’ve had co-workers make snide remarks about me being untrustworthy. I haven’t really gone back out into the dating world (I’ve been happy to be single), but if/when I do decide to get back out there, I’m afraid I’ll be outright rejected because of it. I try not to really advertise what happened, but I live in a small community, so people tend to find out even if I don’t say anything.

Again, I take responsibility for what I did. I would never claim that it was a good thing or that it was justified, and if I could go back in time and change things, I definitely would. So I’m not asking you or your readers to say that cheating is A-OK and I didn’t do anything wrong, because it’s not and I did. It’s just kind of discouraging to think that I’m always going to be seen as untrustworthy and unforgivable for something that happened one time a decade ago that I realize was a mistake.

Is there any forgiveness in society for a cheater? Should there be? How can I address this when people find out about my past?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts. You rock.

Once a Cheater

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Episode #85 – What’s The Line Between Flirting And Harassment?

July 19, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Recently Henry Cavill gave his thoughts about flirting in a post #MeToo era during an interview with GQ Australia, where he claimed to be afraid that flirting with someone might lead to his being dragged through hell because… reasons. And while he has since apologized for his insensitive remarks, they struck a chord with many people: where do you find the line between welcome flirting and sexual harassment? Does it come down to “flirting is when women like you and harassment is when they don’t”? What are the rules that define what’s flirting and what isn’t?

Show Highlights:

Why do some men get away with flirting with women when other men get called out for it?
Why “Just Be Attractive” gets it wrong
The crucial details that make the difference between welcome flirting and unwelcome invasions of space
How to tell when someone wants you to flirt with them
Why nobody is harassing people by accident

…and so much more

Related Links:

How To Not Be The Office Creeper

Understanding The Dangers of Dating

What It Takes To Be A Better Man

Read Her Signs (Without Reading The Tea Leaves)

Sexual Harassment in Nerd Culture

Listen Here
Download Here

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Ask Dr. NerdLove: What Do You Do When You’re Forever Alone?

July 9, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi Doc,

Before I get to the nitty-gritty, I want to say thank you for your work. The world needs more ethical, kind advice, especially for lost, young men right now.

Now, my question:

I’m pretty sure I’m ugly. I’ve never seen a photo of me I like and avoid looking at them where possible. I try to have stuff going on in my life, but hobbies and living seems pointless without someone to share it with.

With that in mind, what do I do? Approaches are a waste of time for a wretch and UK culture doesn’t really work that way. Dating apps aren’t working great. Everyone is either way too good for me or I’m not interested.

I’m crushingly lonely, but also aware that as a mid-thirties, low value man (although I try to add value, as meaningless as that is without partnership) that it’s too late. Is there a way to forget about companionship since I lost the gene lottery? I keep thinking; If my fears were confirmed that this is my life now, I’d give it up in a flash. Some people die alone. How do they even make It to old age?

Lost and Lonely

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