Long time reader first time writer. Your column has hit really close to home many times and I figured it couldn’t hurt to get your take on my situation.
I am a hyper-independent female with a relatively active social life and am good with the opposite sex and dating. Sounds great right? Where’s the catch you ask? My problem starts when the sexy time ends and attachment begins.
To be super cliché, I don’t do love, rather I don’t feel love, at least not the hearts and flutters and serotonin that I am told people usually feel. I tell people this up front, and it has gone unheard time and time again. And in the end, it always goes badly and someone always gets hurt. I generally get called a cold unfeeling bitch. Because how can I not feel the same?! Or worse I will be told, then “I’ll just have to teach you how to love”.
Needless to say, I hate everything this implies. I have been in many long term unhealthy relationships because, maybe one day I’ll feel it, right? No dice. Can someone be aromantic but not asexual? And is there any way at all that I can be considered relationship material with out the love connection? Or am I going to be stuck with short term because people assume that I don’t feel anything just because I don’t feel as strongly as they do? Help!
Not A Fixer-Upper