So the worst has happened. Maybe you knew deep in your gut that it was coming. Maybe it came out of the blue and took you by such surprise that you literally can’t speak. She sat you down on the couch and broke the news to you. She told you in a restaurant to make sure you wouldn’t freak out on her. She didn’t want to face you so she sent you an e-mail. She was so cold and callous that she sent you a fucking text message.
You’ve been dumped.
Hey, we’ve all been there. You know you’re not alone in this. You know there are others out there who’ve got it worse than you. But knowing that doesn’t really help, does it? In fact, in some ways it makes it worse; sure, in the abstract, your life is pretty fucking good. But the pain feels worse because, goddamn it, it’s yours.
So right about then you’re feeling at your absolute lowest. You’re going through the motions, haunting your own life like someone who doesn’t know it’s time to check out. And despite everything, you just can’t seem to manage to move on, which makes you feel even more pathetic, which makes you feel worse, which makes it harder to move on… and so the cycle continues.
Well it’s time to snap the fuck out of it, son. You’re a pathetic sniveling wretch right now and though they’re not going to want to say it, even your friends are getting tired of hearing you whine about it. It’s time to man the fuck up and get your life back. Oh, I know you’ve been doing your best. But how’s that working out for you huh? Yeah, about what I thought.
Fortunately for you, the doctor’s here with his prescription for getting over that breakup and getting on with your life.