Dear Dr. NerdLove,
I have a recurring problem with men in fandom, and even a few pros I’ve met over the years. That is, their tendency to make up relationships with women.
Every Geek Girl I know has had this problem, often with multiple men. At first I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was giving off some kind of bad signals, but now I realize it happens to almost every Geek Girl. If I have lunch or coffee with a guy, even only once, I have problems with this guy telling everyone he knew we are dating.
I had a comic book shop owner tell his customer he was banging me, as well as other women who came into his shop. I had a male friend some years older than me and married spend years tell people he was having a secret affair with me, even though I’d never even touched him. I thought we were friends and had him over to my house to visit and mingle with my other friends. He used the opportunity to sneak into my bedroom and go through my belongings.
I am really curious why so many men in Geekdom seem to pretend they have girlfriends. The minute you confront them with their behavior, they angrily deny everything, and can be really abusive. They even tell you you are crazy, or stuck up, or conceited, even though they are always men you would never date. If it weren’t for the fact they sent other friends of mine emails writing about their pretend relationship with me, I might have kept thinking I was seeing things. I would really appreciate some insight into this behavior. It makes me reluctant to have male geek friends. Or at least it makes me very suspicious of most of them.
– NOT Your Fantasy Lover