Hi Doc, I’ve got a bit of a dilemma.
I seem to walk two different roads with ladies these days. The first is in a casual, social setting. If I meet a girl I’m interested in, we seem to hit it off. The conversation will be good, flirtation back-and-forth is fun, and there definitely is a chemistry between the two of us. This will either end in an exchange of info or (rarely, but fun) spending the night with each other. I’m really in my element here and enjoy the easygoing nature of meeting someone and having a nice time.
The speed bump I seem to hit is when I ask that same girl on a date. That’s where I am struggling. The easygoing chemistry seems to evaporate and it goes from two people enjoying time with each other to an interview. While the time we had in the social setting was flirtatious, the energy in the date is significantly less so. After one or two dates, I can really pick up on her cues: she just isn’t interested.
I’ve noticed some negative trends that I seem to repeat in a lot of these situations. I don’t go on that many dates, so the people I do date are the ones I really would like to spend more time with. This inevitably leads to a lot of anticipation, nerves, and projecting my hopes onto this person. This is sure to lead to some disappointment, so I am trying to maturely manage these feelings more effectively.
Also, I’m a very outgoing guy. As much as I want to be the cool guy, I just am not. This is okay with me, though. I’m very happy with who I am. I do ask the question though: am I coming on too strong? Do I look like a loser here? I’m going easy, should I tone it down even more?
I sense that I am missing something in these situations. How do I maintain attraction with these ladies through the first few dates and start to connect more? Is the energy I bring from the social setting to the date different enough that it throws these girls off?
At 25, I have time to navigate these waters, but I need to figure this out before I completely jump ship.
Without a Paddle