Hi Dr NerdLove,
So, its a long story but this is what happened, and I’m not sure what to do.
About a month ago, a very attractive girl moved in to my share house. I was away at the time, but when we met, I felt like we got along very well. In many ways she is my romantic ideal (tall, dark haired, gothic, beautiful, an emotional mess). At the time of when she moved in, I had a girlfriend at the time, and we’d been dating about 3 years.
Now I knew in the back of my mind how attractive I found this girl I lived with. I told all the guys at work about her, and my close male friends about her, and they all seemed to agree that she was very attractive. She used to work for the same company I work for now, and almost all of my tenured colleagues knew who she was too.
A few weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend. I decided to call time on our relationship due to a lack of emotional availability. I loved her, and cared about her but knew our relationship was at an end.
About 48 hours after I broke up, I was drinking with my friends to drown my sorrows. They asked me jokingly if there was anybody on the horizon for me, and I jokingly said “well there’s this one girl I live with”. And proceeded to show her Instagram photos to the guys, who joked that I should do something about that.
I passed out drunk and stoned, and eventually found myself awake at 3am. I was bored, so I pulled out my phone. By some miracle, my phone was on her Instagram still, and I saw she had added to her story. She was still out partying at 3am. I realised that if I drove home, I may be able to get home at the same time.
I drove home. When I got home, got changed and realised she wasn’t home. I lost hope and went to bed. Not a second later, the door opened up and I knew it was her. She ran to the bathroom and I went out of my room and sat on the couch and watched Rick and Morty. She came out and sat down beside me. I told her I’d just broken up with my girlfriend, and she told me she was in the same boat and had just broken up with her ex a month ago.
We started making out, which lead to getting naked. She then said “if you were any other guy, I’d have sex with you right now”. She refused to have sex with me because we were housemates, and I kind of agreed.
It’s been 3 weeks now, and I haven’t spoken to her since. She works on an opposite schedule to me (She works in a bar), and we haven’t run into each other. I very much doubt we will run into each other and talk it out, but I’d like closure.
I don’t really have any much getting girls. I’ve got my shit together, I have passion in my life, I lead a rich and rewarding life, I’m confident enough in myself and I don’t feel like I need the validation of a relationship to keep me happy. I don’t have a need for a girlfriend, and there are a few girls in my life right now that are more than enough for me. Most of the things I do that make me happy come from your articles actually.
But, for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about my housemate. I’m 28. She’s 21. She cheated on her ex-boyfriend. She posts booty shots and thirst traps all over Instagram. But I can’t stop thinking about her. Whenever I walk past her bedroom my heart flutters, and I wonder if she’s in there. Am I in love?! I haven’t felt this way since high school. My plan right now is to find the time to go to her work alone, and ask her out on a date. It could be incredibly awkward, and if she says no I’ve really lost nothing other than my housemate knowing I asked her out.
My real issue is if she says yes. I really like her, and the more I think about her the more I think she’s strangely ideal for me. I shouldn’t date again, and neither should she, but I want to hang out with her at the very least.
Every single person I know is telling me to not say anything and let the chips fall where they may, but I want closure. In part because I want to hang out with this girl, even if we don’t have sex. But there is also that part of me that sees her as the “one that got away”.
Please help. What should I do?
Hots For Housemate