Hey Dr. NerdLove,
Been reading your stuff for awhile and it’s been really helpful. I’m a 28 year old male that’s been in a dating drought for about 3 years now, but this summer has been quite a bit different.
So I’ve gone on a couple dates with a girl from work over the course of this last month. I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing but it hasn’t. I asked this girl if she wanted to go to a friend’s birthday party, which she agreed. As the night went on, we were flirting and ended up having a very passionate make-out session (Awesome!), after which we planned our first actual date. Before the date, we texted frequently and she talked about how excited she was, but also told me that she’s terrible at texting, hasn’t dated in awhile, and considers herself a “work in progress.” I thought these might be red flags, so I ignored them.
The first date went great, I cooked for her, we watched a movie, made out, then went on a walk and were totally into each other and planned for a second date the following week. She went home and thanked me for a great night. The day after our first date, she got some bad news that she didn’t get a promotion that she was lead to believe was in the bag for her. She was pretty devastated. I was unaware of this and she didn’t communicate much during this time which was leading me to believe she wasn’t interested. But she told me she was still interested and wanted another date. So we planned for the next week. The day of date 2, comes by and she cancels on me saying she’s sick with food poisoning. My BS detector was giving me a strong indication that this was in fact, BS. The BS detector was validated when I saw later that day that she posted on Instagram about how hard she worked out at the gym, the day of our date, “sick with food poisoning.” Nice.
But I’m a hard learner, so I stuck around. The only reason I decided to stick around was because in the text, she wanted to reschedule for the next Tuesday when we were both off. So I figured I’d see what happens. The few days before the rescheduled 2nd date she had apologized and explained the whole thing about not getting promoted and that she’s not a flaky girl, so I was cool with that. She took me to breakfast for the second date and it went well enough. The next day or so I asked her out on a 3rd date which she happily accepted. I texted her the day before our date to firm up some details about if I was picking her up, and she took FOREVER to respond, like 7 hours. I try not to double text and not come off as needy, but I had to in this case. She sent a super brief text claiming she thought she responded (I’m sure) and was cool with me picking her up. So the day arrives, I’m supposed to take her to dinner after she gets off work but I already get the feeling it’s not gonna happen. I send her a text the morning of to confirm that we’re still on for the night. 6 hours goes by, not a word. Then about an hour before shes supposed to get off work she calls me and all I could hear was her crying, trying to talk to me but I couldn’t make out a word. So she sent me a text saying she had a sore throat and wouldn’t be able to do our date but didn’t want me to think she was lying and was struggling that day.
I thought this was pretty genuine and we rescheduled again for the next week. As this week went by we texted every couple of days and I would see her at work and we’d chill in the breakroom if we were both in there. Everything was cool. I call her 2 days before our date to firm up our plans and she was excited and totally down. We talked for a little bit and everything seemed peachy. The day of the date arrives, I send her a text that morning (about 10 a.m.) saying good morning and asking her what time she wanted me to pick her up. Now based on my previous experience with her terrible texting behavior and the fact that she was all for our date and flirty at work, I didn’t stress about not getting a response for a few hours. By 3 p.m. I started to think this was looking like a repeat of last time. By 4:30 pm I finally sent another text asking if she was still wanting to go out tonight. I saw that she was active on Instagram so I knew she wasn’t dead. By 5:30 pm I called and didn’t get an answer. Then I followed up with an “Are you ok?” text that I wish I could take back because it’s lame and was sent in a moment of desperation. I finally admitted to myself what was happening so I completely deleted her from my phone and unfollowed her on Instagram so I couldn’t send anymore texts.
So yeah, I was lead on for weeks and then ghosted on the 3rd date by someone I’ll see at work pretty frequently. I’m beyond confused as to why she would do something so rude and I’m not sure how to deal with this when I see her again at work. I want to confront her about it, but that seems pointless because in the end I’ll still want nothing to do with her. So I’d like to take the high road, but I don’t know what that looks like. Thankfully I’ll be quitting in 5 weeks when school starts back up and then moving onto a new job, so I’ll never see her again. But until then, I’ll see her a lot.
Any sage advice?