Dear Dr. Nerdlove,
I have a problem with the Friend Zone.
I met a woman a little over a year ago at a public event, and immediately was attracted to and had a connection with her. Less than 10 minutes later, I found out that she had a boyfriend. I also found out that this boyfriend was close friends with a number of people who had recently become my close friend group. I was sad, but realized that I could not make a move on a taken lady, and especially not one who was seeing an acquaintance of mine.
About two weeks later, I moved into an apartment with this same girl and two other roommates.
I spent the next year dating a different girl on and off, in a relationship with a ridiculous amount of conflict and problems, most of which were caused by the fact that my girlfriend felt I was having an emotional relationship with the first girl (#1).
Three months ago, #1 and her boyfriend broke up.
I have spent the last year pushing down my feelings for this girl, and it has become something that I can’t deny any more. I see all of my core values in her, she makes me smile more than anything else in the world, and she is the only person I can imagine spending a day in bed just talking and laughing with 60 years from now.
We are extremely good friends, but I really do feel that there is something more. Our having a relationship would create a lot of drama in our friend group, but I have already accepted that and feel that it is worth it.
Naturally, I am scared to tell her my feelings because of the ultimate friend zone worry: it might ruin the friendship. However, I really do feel that she treats me like someone that she has feelings for.
She touches me often, and hugs me longer than any of her other friends.
She tells me that she misses me more than anyone else in the world.
On MULTIPLE occasions, we’ve gotten drunk at parties and danced, and she tells me I’m so hot, I’m so attractive, and then she makes it seem like she wishes she could make a move on me.
I cannot lose this woman.
I’ve never met anybody who made me as happy.
What should I do?
– Ross Needs Rachel