I have a problem with grudges. More specifically: I have a hard time with letting go of that angry, frustrated feeling that comes when you feel as though somebody’s wronged you.
Oh, I’ll talk a good game about not being angry. I’ll be civil in public. I don’t make pointed inquiries about them to mutual friends, I’ll make a show of being over it when I’m around them. I’ll even tell my friends, brimming with righteous anger for me to let it go, that it’s not worth it. But I haven’t forgotten. I’ll still hold on to that little kernel of anger and bitterness at my core and take it out and poke at it when the nights are long and I can’t sleep. I take quiet satisfaction when I hear second-hand about something that didn’t go well for them and stew with resentment that the universe doesn’t seem to agree that they must suffer some suitably ironic punishment for their crimes against me.
There’s even a perverse part of me that hopes that they hear about how well I’m doing – preferably through an unconnected third party for that extra “eau de fuck you” – and that it completely ruins their day.
And I know I’m not the only one who does this. In fact, I’m willing to bet most – if not all – of you are carrying around a secret resentment like this.
It’s time to let it go.