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A Man’s Guide To Improving Your Emotional IQ

October 23, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 141 Comments

Emotional intelligence is one of those traits that tends to be woefully underdeveloped in men. Call it part of the toxic masculinity package; when things like “having feelings” are treated as a weakness, men are taught to bottle them up and pretend they don’t exist.

Along with things like “skin care” and “giving a shit how your apartment looks.”

It’s not terribly surprising. After all, what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear “get in touch with your emotions”? In all likelihood, it’s an absurd image of men sitting in a circle, crying like little girls1 and going through lists of petty hurts and insults. Why the hell would any dude want to do that when they could be spending time with their friends, doing man shit instead?

“IF I BREAK YOUR WRIST WILL I STOP FEELING EMPTY INSIDE?!”

But what if I told you that low emotional IQ was part of why suicide rates are so much higher in men than in women? What if I told you that having low emotional intelligence is part of why you’re so lonely? Or maybe I might tell you that the more emotionally intelligent you are, the more likely you are to get laid?

Yeah, I thought that might get your attention.

Here’s the truth about understanding our emotions: the more men are disconnected from how we feel, the harder it is for us to connect with others. It isolates us, cripples us and means that we have an even harder time trying to just get a date. Maybe it’s time to stop laughing about “cry babies” and “beta males” and start improving our emotional intelligence.

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No, trust me, this phrasing was entirely intentional. [↩]

How To Take Dating To The Next Level

August 14, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 140 Comments

The process of getting better at dating can be a difficult one. There are a lot of self-limiting beliefs that can be hard to overcome – not the least of which being that you’re “stuck” at wherever you are and there’s nothing you can do. It’s part of the binary-view of social skills that guys tend to get brought up in; you’re good with women or you aren’t. Either you’re socially awkward or you aren’t. You’re popular… or you aren’t.

And of course, there’re a lot of people who buy into this. It’s a tempting narrative after all; when there’s no hope and no choice, you are relieved of all responsibility. You can point to the world at being unfair or complain that other people demonize your natural-if-awkwardly-expressed desires. It absolves you, in many ways, of having to do any self-examination. After all, if the world’s unfair, then isn’t it better to demand that the world change?

But that’s not how it works. That’s not how any of it works.

One of the things that I like to emphasize is that dating is a skill. And any skill can be improved with practice. The tricky part though, is that developing a skill can take time. If we buy into the axiomatic 10,000 hours for mastery… that’s a lot of time before you can get good at something. And with all the skills that can comprise a successful dating life… well, that’s going to take forever, isn’t it?

No. No it isn’t.

Today, I’m going to teach you about how you can radically improve your social skills in almost no time. If you’re ready to shave off the time it takes to learn to be the dating master you know you can be… well, this week is for you.

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Overcome Your Fear of Rejection

July 31, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 344 Comments

One of the hardest things when it comes to dating is dealing with the fear of rejection. At times it can seem like everyone’s dating hang ups can be traced back to a fear of being rejected – from approach anxiety to Nice Guy behavior.

Can’t get rejected if you never approach anyone, ever.

The problem is that letting that fear control you means that you will never succeed. No matter who you are, rejection is going to be a part of your dating life. Everybody – no matter how famous, how handsome, how rich or how socially gifted – gets shot down. What makes the difference between the socially successful and the people who trundle from rejection to rejection are that the successful ones don’t let rejection destroy them. And while it can be difficult to face your fears, part of what helps makes them less all-consuming is to understand them.

So let’s get down to the roots of the fear of rejection.

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How The Right Life Makes Meeting Women Easier

July 17, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 162 Comments

There are a lot of ways to go about meeting women. You can do cold approaches – whether at bars, clubs, parties or even your local Barnes & Noble. You can focus your time and attention on online dating and building the perfect dating profile. Hell, you can sit around and hope for the Universe to provide you with a date.

I mean, it won’t work, but you can do it.

“Maybe if I complain on Reddit just a little more…”

But no matter what path you decide to follow, there’s one area that you can’t afford to neglect: your life. Guys who spend time building and maintaining the right life will find that they are naturally and effortlessly attracting women. They aren’t using any special technique or high-value secret. They’re simply leading a life that women want to be a part of – and one that brings them together with virtually no work on his part.

There is no technique that is going to compensate for not having your shit together. There’s no dating profile photo that is going to overcome not having anything in your life. But if you have your shit together and are following some best practices for a fulfilling, happy life? Then you’ll find that you’re meeting women almost effortlessly.

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Build Your Perfect Relationship

July 10, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 89 Comments

We all want to have an amazing relationship. The problem is that most of us go about it the wrong way. See, one of the mistakes we make when it comes to relationships is that we tend to assume there’s one way to have them. We accept the default mode without thinking about it. Worse: we rarely talk about what we expect from a relationship until after it’s started to fall apart.

The mistake is that – once we’ve chosen our partner – we tend to assume the work is done. The credits are going to roll and everything else is going to be sitcom-esque bliss, complete with laugh tracks and neighbors with curious ideas about boundaries. Then, three fights later about cake batter and alternate uses for pastry bags, and your slice of Heaven has turned into a new layer of Hell.

“WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO PUT K-Y IN THERE?!” “YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF FANTASY!”

When we let relationships just “happen”, we increase the likelihood of conflict and ugly break-ups. But by taking the time in the beginning of a relationship, we can build the love affair of our dreams.

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