First of all, I would like to thank you for your wonderful articles which I find very helpful even though I am a girl. I found out that I have never given much thought to some issues that you addressed in them. For example, after reading about creeper behavior and that poor girl who was so awfully verbally assaulted in subway my first thought was “Never get on a subway in the USA!” but then I realized with a start that similar things were going on in my country as well. But I guess I just took them as some kind of law of nature: if you are a girl riding in a subway late you just bound to be hit on by a drunkard and there is no escaping it. It never occurred to me to think about it as an issue which can be fought against before, more like something inevitable, which you can’t change anyway so you just have to deal with it.
It’s not the reason I decided to write to you though, I would like to ask for an advice. How to look less intimidating and scary and more open and friendly? Interested in dating in general?
Thing is, I am 21 years old virgin who have never been in romantic relationship before. I suppose I am late bloomer – I haven’t been interested in guys, dating and sex until very recently. There also have never been many guys around (my majors both in the University and high school were to do with liberal arts which meant that most of my class-mates were girls) so I am kind of not used to communication with them and to be honest a little bit afraid of them.
But apparently they are afraid of me even more. Or so I’ve been told many times. It appears that by first impression I always look like I am made of ice or iron, very reserved and strict as if I am silently judging everyone and generally hard to approach. Which is not true at all, I am very happy if people approach me at parties and the likes and love to meet new people in general. Still, it seems guys of my age find courage to talk to me only after consuming lots of alcohol. (Older men is another story though, I’ve been told that I usually behave not like my age but much older and that seems to attract men over 40 who usually have wives already).
How to change that? Smile to everyone around me? Change something in body language?
Also, many people seem to assume that I already have a boyfriend. Maybe I look so uninterested that people think that I’m already attached? What one should do to show that they are interested in dating?
I don’t think that I am unattractive, rude, mean or that socially awkward yet I am single. My parents and friends pressure me a little bit to find someone and maybe I do feel a little lonely while watching romcoms and yearn for some affection. That’s why I decided it’s time to do something about the impression I have on people so when I finally make myself go to those magic places where you can meet a lot of single guys I keep hearing about I’ll be ready.
I would appreciate any advice and would like to thank you in advance!
PS: I am sorry for bad grammar; English is not my native language.