I’m facing a situation that I’m sure quite a few of your readers are starting to think about right now, and thought I’d reach out for advice.
It’s about to be the start of the second semester for many seniors in college. For most guys, this is the perfect window of opportunity for a no-strings-attached fling before heading off into the real world. For those of us in serious relationships, it means that we are starting to think about the possibility of ending things with our girlfriends or possibly doing long distance.
Enter me: So eight months ago I started dating this incredible girl (hot, smart, funny – the whole package) who is two years younger than me. It’s my first relationship that is really serious – and while I wouldn’t say our relationship is perfect, it’s going well and we love each other.
However, I have to make a decision on whether to do long-distance pretty soon. I’m moving up to work in Boston after graduation while she’ll still be in D.C. finishing school. Doing long distance would be very manageable – I’ll be making solid money at my job and have weekends completely free. She also has plenty of free time and can afford flying up 1-2 times a month. Flights are cheap, quick, and we could theoretically spend every other weekend together. Not to mention that we did 3 months of long-distance over the summer to start the relationship and she’s even expressed interest in making it work.
There are some twists. I want to eventually attend a top business school in the U.S. yet she’s an international student without a long-term visa, so there’s a possibility (30-50%) that she’s not in the U.S. two years after she graduates. My firm is a multinational and I could easily transfer to wherever she is after graduation, but I would have to relocate in a year or two back to the U.S. to get my MBA.
My friends have also told me that my early 20s are the best years of my life, that I should not be tied down. My heart tells me to go for it, but my mind is telling me that there are hurdles and a future after her graduation is by no means a guarantee.
So here’s the question(s):
-how should I approach the big conversation about long-distance with her, and how should that conversation even go? I’m worried that if things end at the end of the year I’ll be left wishing I spent more time with my friends. I’m also generally a dude incapable of having these serious conversations without saying something idiotic.
-should I even do long-distance, given the degree of uncertainty over both of our futures?
-how the hell do I mentally deal with all this uncertainty over the long-term future of my relationship? I’ve been consistently depressed thinking about the possibility of losing her and losing out on an incredible future with her.
I’ve talked to other friends dealing with similar questions, so while the specifics of my situation are different I think many seniors out there could use your wisdom.