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What “Forged in Fire” Can Teach Us About Manhood

September 30, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

I’m a big believer in the idea that your attitude shapes your life and the world around you. Perception is, in a very real way, the filter through which we interact with the world, and we can choose how to perceive it. Choose the right outlook and the right beliefs and the world will provide you with what you’re looking for — precisely because you’re looking for it. And when you have  a growth mindset, you’ll find that there are lessons for you that can help guide and shape your life wherever you look.

Grant Morrison describes this as a form of chaos magick — choosing the beliefs that provide you with the best, measurable results, regardless of whether it’s “real” or something you can “prove”. Arden Leigh refers to this as hacking your confirmation bias — using your own psychological biases to help you find the results you want, instead of letting your own negativity bias drag you down. Bruce Lee’s version of this was to “absorb what is useful, discard what is useless.”

But regardless of what you call it or how you choose to approach it, the truth is that you can find guidance and inspiration in the most unlikely places when you look for it. This can be incredibly important, especially in this day and age when things feel chaotic and out of control. Knowing that you can find the guidance you need, when you choose to look for it, can be a valuable skill to develop.

It’s with this approach in mind that I want to talk about what you can learn from the reality show competition Forged In Fire.

Now it can seem odd to look to a television show about blacksmithing and forging knives for lessons on manhood and masculinity. After all, it seems fairly straight forward: four bladesmiths compete in three elimination rounds of timed knife-making, with the winning contestant earning a prize of $10,000. But — as with many TV shows and movies, the take-aways often sit just below the surface, informing what we see on screen. And, just as importantly, having concrete examples that we can look to can help us understand concepts that might otherwise seem too abstract or confusing.

So let’s look at what Forged in Fire can teach about what it means to be a man.

[Read more…]

Dying To Be A Man

August 7, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

It’s said that times of crisis and trouble are what reveal someone’s true character. That we are most authentically ourselves in the times when we are tested, our support is ripped away and we are forced to confront hardship in ways we never do otherwise. It is in those minutes that we see the truth of who we are.

The same can be said about what it means to be a man.

We are in a time of unprecedented adversity: we are facing a global pandemic that the world hasn’t seen since the dawn of the 20th century. People are in the streets protesting the horrific violence and abusive behavior of police departments around the country, particularly violence directed at people of color. Federal troops are starting to act like Gestapo, the President is threatening to throw the 2020 election into chaos, American citizens are being tear-gassed and beaten for exercising their First Amendment rights, and heavily armed mobs have been storming government buildings, demanding that state and local governments bend to their will.

Keep this image in mind; we’re gonna be coming back to it.

These are the times that try men’s souls, the crucible that separates the dross from the iron. And in these times, we are forced to recognize an undeniable truth: that the tenets of toxic forms of masculinity are not just fragile, but paper thin. At a time that many men insisted would be their time to shine, we are seeing the mask slip. Underneath, we are seeing their honest faces, naked and raw. We see that the ideals of masculinity that so many men insist are the way, the truth and the light are a facade. When push comes to shove, the staunchest defenders of “true” or “real” manhood neither understand masculinity, nor live up to the ideals that they profess to live by.

[Read more…]

Episode #119 – What Does A Real Man Look Like?

July 31, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Men feel immense pressure to look a particular way and they’re breaking themselves, physically and psychically to try to get to reach those ideals.

As bodies are marketed to us as products and men are sold self-loathing, we have to ask: what does a REAL man look like?

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

  • How male celebrities are getting the body-shaming treatment from the media
  • Why the idea of what makes a “real” man is always in flux 
  • How the “perfect” body has changed over time
  • What men get wrong about trying to achieve the perfect body
  • Why there’s no body positivity movement for men

…and so much more.

RELATED LINKS:

The New (And Impossible) Standards of Male Beauty

The Fear of Being Invisible

The Myth of What Women Want

The Selling of Masculinity

What Men REALLY Need

Listen Here
Download Here
Transcript available at patreon.com/DrNerdLove


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

#105 – Is Masculinity A Mental Illness?

January 16, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Don’t forget: I’m taking your questions for the NerdLoveLine special! Call (512) 522-6513 and leave a voicemail with your question!

The American Psychological Association updated it’s guidelines for the treatment of boys and men to say that toxic masculine ideologies are bad for men.

Does this mean that masculinity is now a mental illness? Or is this an acknowledgement of the difficulties that men and boys face in modern society?

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

  • How being a man leads to unique mental and physical health issues
  • Why men have a difficult time receiving effective mental health care
  • What the new APA guidelines say… and what they DON’T say about men
  • How understanding toxic masculine ideas affects men and boys alike 
  • How MRAs hurt the men they supposedly want to help

… and so much more.

RELATED LINKS:

▶︎ What Is Toxic Masculinity
▶︎ Captain America and the power of Positive Masculinity 
▶︎ Why It’s So Hard To Be A Good Man
▶︎ The Broken Masculinity of The Punisher
▶︎ Reclaiming Manhood

Listen Here
Download Here


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Episode #102 – Is Masturbation Bad For You? Understanding The NoFap Movement

December 5, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

To fap or not to fap… that is the question. Are there health benefits to giving up masturbation? Is porn addiction a real thing?
And just what is the NoFap movement, anyway?

It’s time talk about sex with someone you love… yourself.

Show Highlights:

  • Why the “dangers” of masturbation haven’t changed in hundreds of years
  • The connection between testosterone and masturbation
  • Why NoFap gives “super powers”
  • Why stigmatizing masturbation can be dangerous
  • Why the real problem is shame, not masturbation

…and so much more.

Important News:

I’m taking answering your questions on the air! Call in with your dating questions at (512) 522-6513 and leave a voice mail or you can record it send the audio file to doc@doctornerdlove.com and put “For YouTube” in the subject.

Related Links

What Men Should Have Learned In Sex Ed –

The “Problem” With Male Virginity –

Did Porn Ruin Our Sex Life?

Porn and The Real World

What We Get Wrong About Sex

Listen Here
Download Here


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

Next Page »

About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

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Recent Comments

  • Dr. NerdLove Welp, gave you the chance. Enjoy your two week vacation from commenting.

    My Crush Sends Me Flirty Texts When She’s Drunk. What Do I Do? ·  January 22, 2021

  • Belinda However you want to handle it. I don't care.

    My Crush Sends Me Flirty Texts When She’s Drunk. What Do I Do? ·  January 22, 2021

  • Dr. NerdLove Indeed. Which is why you're being informed that you don't call people sluts here. That's not a debate. Whether I decide to delete your post or not has nothing to do with it.

    My Crush Sends Me Flirty Texts When She’s Drunk. What Do I Do? ·  January 22, 2021

  • Belinda If you want to delete my comment, delete it. This isn't my blog.

    My Crush Sends Me Flirty Texts When She’s Drunk. What Do I Do? ·  January 22, 2021

  • Dr. NerdLove Fortunately, this isn't a debate about political correctness. Debate implies that there's an option here. It's a ruling being handed down from a mod and a reasonable alternate suggestion from another...

    My Crush Sends Me Flirty Texts When She’s Drunk. What Do I Do? ·  January 22, 2021

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