This is absolutely the first time I’ve ever heard of you, but I read a few articles and thought, ‘Wow, I hope he’ll answer mine,’ because, while the articles I’ve already read do speak to some of the issues I’m having, I don’t think they speak to most of the issues themselves.
Let me explain. I’m 24, fairly attractive, gay, and recently just graduated with a masters degree. I feel as if, logically, I shouldn’t have a problem finding a partner. That’s really what I want, a partner to settle down with and possibly raise a family. I want to put down roots and be happy. I see it going on around me every single day, my friends and a lot of my former classmates are all getting engaged, getting married, starting families, and I (like always) am left out on the fringes of it all.
So, since I broke things off with my incredibly toxic ex in January 2020, I’ve found myself in a cycle that goes something like this: 1) I meet a guy online (that’s really the only way to meet other gay or bisexual men in my area); 2) both sides develop some kind of interest; 3) we set a date to do something together in person; and then 4) I either get rejected outright (which isn’t very frequent) or ghosted by the guy in question (which is very frequent).
It’s really starting to hammer down on my self-esteem and self-worth. If I do get rejected outright, then I’m consistently told something along the lines that I’m “too much,” “something else,” “ugly,” or whatever else fits their fancy in order to get me to stop talking to them. I don’t understand why I can never win when it comes to dating. I’ve been in situations with other guys who are pushy, persistent, and outright annoying, so I try my best not to be like them, yet somehow that’s how I’m getting described when I feel like I’m just putting my best foot forward and making a good effort.
I feel like I should also mention that I have a suspicion these guys tell me exactly what I want to hear just so they can fuck me, but I don’t know how to change that. I’ve tried being more direct and intentional. Nothing works.
Stressed the fuck out,
A Troubled Soul