Last year I separated from my wife. It was the first long term relationship I had ever been in, we were together for 10 years, and married for 8. We’d been living like we were married for almost the entire time we were together. Problems at her home when we first started going out spurred me to invite her to move in with me very early on in the relationship. Probably a bit too early, but that’s neither here nor there.
As the relationship progressed we Tic’d and Tock’d back and forth between an extremely loving and caring couple and an abuser/abused relationship with me as the abused. Nothing physical, but it was the classic emotional kind. Isolation, feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy in either in the bedroom and in the job field.
It took the intervention of someone I met at work and developed a strong –and likely unhealthy but that’s a different story– friendship with to really open my eyes to what was going on and make a choice of what I wanted. I was given an ultimatum and was forced to choose between my wife and my friend and I chose my wife. Because… that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Well, saying goodbye to my friend was such an agony to do that it was what helped push me into making the decision to saying goodbye to my (now) ex-wife.
It’s been the better part of a year plus since this happened and I’ve gone on a grand total of One (1) date in that time. I was on OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, even Tinder. Entertainingly, the date I did go on was matched through Tinder but ended with coffee and someone I’m glad to call a friend, but nothing more.
The thing is… my heart’s just not into the dating scene. I’m 30, recently graduated with an Associate’s Degree back in December, and desperately underemployed for it. I speak to people on OKC, POF and other Dating sites but even when the possibility of a date is broached I just don’t “feel it.” I sigh, and try to politely decline. I’ve even matched up on Tinder a few times and even when a hookup is proposed I’ve got nothing. Zero interest on my part. I’m flattered when asked, I mean, I know what I look like; both in pictures and on paper.
So, I’m trying to get an outsider’s opinion on this. Am I in a slump? Is this something I should be looking into professionally? I’ve had a history of depression and the last two years of my marriage were fucking miserable. I’ve read the site a lot, but to have just ZERO interest when a woman is basically saying, “Look, I want to hook up. You’re place or mine?” and my only response is, “I’m sorry, but this is not the D you’re looking for.”
Is there any way to work past this or is the answer a simple “Time heals all,”?
Not the D They’re Looking For