Hey Dr. NerdLove,
First of all, you’ve written amazing articles on your website. Because if you, I’ve had a lot more dating success. Keep up the great work.
My question is very “First world problem”. I’ve been dating a particular woman on and off (let’s call her H) during the last year. Meanwhile, I’ve gone on a few first dates with others. H is aware of this but doesn’t know the full extent of my romantic life.
H isn’t my girlfriend, and I don’t intend to get into an official relationship with her. For instance, Valentine’s Day is coming up and I think I’d rather spend it with a different woman. But, I don’t want to hurt H’s feelings, and I want to keep seeing her until I commit to someone.
Recently, H told me she loves me. I don’t love her. Honestly, I don’t want to hurt H, and I do want to to keep seeing her, as long as we’re casual.
I suppose we have to break up eventually, but that might not be for years. Or maybe, if I don’t find anyone else who’s marriage material, I might have to settle for H despite her flaws. I don’t like to call someone my “backup choice” but I guess that’s how it is.
I want to approach the situation with honesty and make everyone happy the long run. How do I best talk with H about this?
On The Back Burner