I know I am rather new to this web site. I have read many of your articles and I find them fascinating. I have found myself agreeing, cheering on, laughing, as well as being mesmerized by the topics you discuss and the eloquence in which you dissect and analyze every situation that could be conceived. For this, I truly am in awe and I thank you.
So, here I throw a dilemma that I am facing your way. I am 27 years old. I have this friend who’s name is Dena . I have known this girl since I was in highschool. The thing is, I have never actually met the girl in person. We have talked a great deal since getting to know each other and now we have become pretty good friends. Well, just recently, as in last year, our conversations began to become slightly heated. We have begun to talk more in depth about fantasies of us being together. We have talked about this before, just not so intensely.
I should point out that Dena is married and already has one child by her current husband. I understand that finding an attraction to someone else’s wife is morally wrong. But I really do feel an attraction to this woman and I’ve told her so. Her response to me expressing my feelings to her were to ask me why I waited to tell her how I felt. The truth was I wasn’t ready to tell her because I always believed that until I felt confident that I could support a significant other I didn’t want to express myself to someone like that. I should also point out that another significant reason I waited to tell her was because of a significant distance barrier that we face. She and I live away from each other by a distance of several states. And we’ve never actually met, although I’ve expressed significant interest in coming to visit her for at least a few days.
So back to my story. Recently the conversations have become more heated. In the beginning of 2013 was the first time we decided to cross the line into sending each other explicit texts and pictures. Not much, but one or two is certainly enough to tease one. That is not my only drive or reason for sending you this letter. I honestly feel that I can communicate freely with her and tell her whatever is on my mind and not have to fear anything that she may back. I feel as though we understand each other on many levels. I have already expressed my desire to be with her and just whisk her away to a world that currently only resides in my imagination. My question, and this is a big question, is…. is it worth it? I’d be making a huge leap of faith here on my side.
I am already planted in a career here where I live and she in hers. I have asked her what she would do if I decided to take the big leap and seek out a relationship with her. She expressed a desire to stay close to her family, which I understand since I have a close relationship with my family here. This would seem to leave me with the big decision of either uprooting my own lifestyle and trying to adapt to hers. Or seeing if she would take the big risk and uproot to my lifestyle. I understand it would be gambling a lot and the two of us could stand to sacrifice big initially. I certainly don’t want to break into a marriage unless I was sure it could work, although I believe I already crossed this line somewhat when we started talking more intensely. She has expressed discontent in her current living arrangement with her husband though. I don’t know if this means I am truly able to have a chance with this girl or if I’ve somehow just conveniently become her outlet while she is at a low point. I really want to believe that she has feelings for me the way I have for her. I’m just curious to know if all these feelings are worth making the leap to see her though.
Would it be better if I made a short trip to her area and talked with her? I am not looking for someone to make my decision for me. But seeing as you have given much sound advice in the past, I feel that you are a fantastic person in which to ask their opinion and get an outside view into the situation I am facing. I would appreciate any advice you can give to me, no matter how brief or long the advice is. I thank you in advance.
Leap of Faith