Dear Dr. NerdLove,
So I’ll be upfront: this isn’t a question about love. Well, it is affecting my love life, but it’s making friends that I’m worried about. I feel like love can come after that.
The thing is, I think I’m boring. Whenever I’m talking to people there are these long silences, which I personally don’t mind (I’m happy just to be around other people) but I don’t think other people feel the same. They will often try to fill these silences by showing me memes on their phone or giving me some music to listen to, which I’m usually just not that interested in. I’m more interested in talking and just enjoying the other person’s company.
In fact, I’m just not interested in most things people want me to be interested in. Get me started on anime, writing, or computers and I probably annoy people with how much I’m talking, but it seems like most people just aren’t into that. They’re all about youtube, memes, the latest movie, music, or something else that I just don’t find that interesting.
People never invite me out, either. They never text me first, even if it’s just to tell me about something funny that happened. And always being the one to text first makes me feel like they’re not interested. I want people to put a little effort into being my friend, but no-one does. It seems like I always have to do all the work and it makes me feel really unwanted, to the point that I usually just give up on being their friend. I even deleted a few people’s numbers and haven’t heard a thing from them since.
That’s not to say people have never invited me out. They have. Usually it’s once or twice, though, before they decide I’m boring and never invite me out again. Next thing I know I’m hearing about these parties(often times on snapchat or from coworkers) and I know people are hanging out, but I just never get invited.
Most of my interests are, admittedly, solitary ones. I enjoy writing, watching anime, and I’ve recently gotten into programming. I play video games too, but lately that’s kind of rare; I’m simply too busy with school, work, and learning how to program. I’ve tried to meet people at school and work, but that’s where my boring personality screws me over.
I’ve even considered the possibility that I might be autistic, because I just seem to legitimately struggle with relationships and some other symptoms have struck home as well. But I don’t have money to see a therapist, so that isn’t an option right now.
I really want to make friends, though, even if I need to change something about myself. Is there anything I can do? Please help me if you can.
– Friend In Need