Dear Dr. NerdLove,
I´m a recent fan of your website, I believe the direct approach you normally use is excellent for those of us that drift among decisions.
Speaking of which, I hope to receive a piece of advice from you. I’m a 30 years old single man living in Mexico City. I still live in my parents’ house, I have a steady income and a steady job, but I have plenty of difficulties with the socializing and meeting new people areas, especially women.
So far I´ve only had one serious relationship (in my college years, 8 years ago approximately, it lasted a couple years) and a few flings, but nothing serious. The thing is, I have recently resumed my friendship with my longtime high school crush, only to discover that I still have feelings for her (or at least that´s what I believe).
She´s also a 30 year old woman, divorced, with an 8 year old son and a boyfriend/concubine that lives with her at her house. She has financial issues, and she´s also the only income in the house. Her boyfriend is like another child in the household, and of course she´s having problems with her former husband. As I was saying, we have recently resumed contact, we support each other, and I lend her money when she needs it, we talk about life, and I still have feelings for her, I can´t help feeling a strong attraction. Recently we talked about life and love and things like that, and I asked her if she would consider date me if the circumstances were different, she said yes, but it was not a definite answer, it was more of an ambiguous thing.
She also said that she will draw the line, and if her boyfriend doesn’t get a job in the next few months, she will kick him out of the house (which not necessarily means the end of the relationship). Also, I should mention I heard this thing before, and nothing ever happens. He doesn’t want to, or can´t get a job, and she doesn’t kick him out. At the end of the conversation, she offered to introduce me a single friend of her, and that thing caught me off guard.
I don’t know what to think or do in this point. I´m not so naive to think that she´ll realize everything I´m doing for her and eventually run into my arms, that would be simply stupid.
The thing is that I feel this situation is overwhelming, I´m 30, single and still living with my parents. Meanwhile all my friends are either getting married or having babies (or both like my best friend´s case) , the peer pressure is terrible.
I should also mention that I have no problem with her single mom status, I believe I´m mature enough to handle a relationship with a kid involved. Of course, I wouldn’t mention it to my parents immediately, but I believe I´m mature enough to handle the situation if necessary.
I would lend a hand financially speaking if necessary, that means no problem to me.
I don’t know what to do.
Either I come clean and tell her how I feel (with the risk that she won´t talk to me or see me again) or I ignore my feelings for her, then move on and accept the blind date with her friend (as an action that will symbolize my defeat with her and my “moving on” attitude). I don’t want to lose what I have with her right now, but I know that it is simply not enough for me. But then again I prefer a friendship, over not seeing her ever again.
Help me Dr. Nerd Love, you´re my only hope.
Prince Charming To the Rescue