I’m a 20-year-old student in an interracial relationship. As my girlfriend flew into NYC from Paris, I flew into Connecticut from SoFl. Because we hadn’t seen each other in three weeks, I told my father I would take the train into NYC to visit her. He said that was, “okay.”
My girlfriend advocated for LGBT rights throughout high school and college, so we went to the Gay Pride Parade with her two friends. She took a picture of her friends and I with a Rainbow Flag in the background. She posted it to Instragram, and Facebook. All was good.
Next thing I know, I received a message from my sister, “Dad is pissed you went to the Gay Pride Parade.” I shrugged it off. Despite my father’s brother being one of the thousands of homosexuals who died from AIDS, he’s a homophobe. Not wanting to fight with him on his settled ways, I ignored it.
The next day, I received a phone call from my mother (she and my father are divorced). She demanded I take the photo down from Facebook because I pushed one of my father’s buttons (there had been a little bit of tension between my father and I on something else). I told her I couldn’t ask my girlfriend and her friends to take their photos down. Although I could untag myself, I thought it would be silly to comply with such a request.
My sister picked me up from the train station when I returned to Connecticut. She told me, “Dad went off on your girlfriend yesterday. He called her a ‘slut,’ a slew of Asian racial slurs, a bad influence, and insulted her political stances. He threatened to not help you pay for school.'” This took me by surprise because my girlfriend has had dinner with him, and she spent a weekend with me at his place.
My father’s said terrible things. He’s one of those, “If black people can say the n-word, then anyone can say the n-word (except he says the word)”, “Bisexual people don’t exist (he doesn’t know I’m bisexual)”, “You can’t rape your SO,” pieces of shit. But, he’s helped pay for my living expenses (I attend a school in NYC. Apartments can be cheaper than dorms, and work won’t be enough to pay for it on my own). Given that, I’ve put up with his shitty comments. This crosses line several times over. Even if this is resolved, I would be very uncomfortable with my father seeing my girlfriend again, or my girlfriend’s parents (who are wonderful) meeting my father.
Should I tell my girlfriend about this? If I should (and I’m inclined to think I should), how should I do it? Even though she’s one of the most kind and intelligent people I know, she was extremely nervous before she met my father. When she spent the weekend at his house with me, she was nervous. She wants him to like her.
A Conflicted Boyfriend