Hey Doc,

So I recently started a relationship, but ended it not long after. Basically there were three different instances where my instincts kept knawing at me.

Things were very lovely when they started, but then the first time this “gut” feeling surfaced is when he told me he would be leaving work at a certain time. However, hours before he would have left, I bumped into him at the store, grocery shopping. Talk about coincidences! I also noticed that he was talking away on the phone before he spotted me. I found it a little concerning because I remembered him telling me he doesn’t fancy talking on the phone, unlike myself.

We continued to talk and get close, but then my instincts tugged at me once more. This time, I was at his house, and his driver’s license happen to be lying on the night table. I saw it as soon I stepped into the room, so it was sort of inevitable. From it I discovered that he lied. His first name was correct, but his last name wasn’t what he told me and he had a middle name, despite telling me he didn’t have one. I found this very suspicious and concerning all at once. Why would he lie about such a small thing, and what could he be hiding? 

I didn’t let him know what I saw and what I figured out. I had hoped he would come clean on his own, but he didn’t. Bear in mind, this man is 13 years older than me, so why play games?

The third time my instincts pulled at me once more was when I visited him. We spent some time together, but before getting intimate he told me wanted me to spend the night. I thought “sure!”,  since I have before. After that period of intimacy was over, he just sat on the edge of the bed as if he was contemplating about something. Suddenly he asks me if I would be mad at him if he fed me some food and sent me home. Surprised, I asked why the sudden change of mind. His reason was that he had work in the morning, however, I had to remind him that I had spent the night before even when he had work. His second reason was that he didn’t like when I spent the night because I stay up all night, which was untrue.

This came as a shock because he made no mention or hint in that nature before, and quite frankly a very flimsy excuse.

I ate and I made my home, after which I let him know I had arrived safely. He didn’t respond, then went “ghost” for two days. Then had the audacity to message me asking if that’s it, as if I was the one who went MIA. I was upset, and he couldn’t tell me why he did that, he just could not give an answer. All he could do was say he’s sorry. We didn’t talk for very long after that.

The following day I didn’t hear from him until I opted to say good morning, to which he responded cheerfully, following that he was busy with work. Further in the afternoon I heard from him but briefly as he still continued to say how busy he was at work. I then told him I’d talk to him later on. 

Hours passed, until after midnight he responded to a break up text I had sent. I was concerned because to know that the last time we exchanged words was the afternoon before, and the message he responds to is a break up message. What made it worse is that he responded very soon after. Which means he could have checked in at any time during the night, but chose not to.

After reading all this Dr. NerdLove, do you think I ended things prematurely without properly working through what was going on, or did I let it carry on for way too long?

Sincerely,

Single In The City

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