If you go by a lot of the advice being handed out to guys about dating, you would think that getting dates and getting laid is simple: act as alpha as possible, remember that women are gold-digging, status-climbing whores who only want the highest status males (and will ignore, use and/or cheat on everyone else) and endeavor to give as few fucks as possible.
Of course, the unspoken problem is that for all of their protestations that they’re a guy who doesn’t care… they care a lot. And many of them are already feeling angry that they’re not getting the sex that they “deserve”, which makes them even more determined to score that 9 or 10 that they’ve been cut off from. So when that mix of that anxiety, pressure and entitlement issues starts to build, they have no way of dealing with being shot down. As a result, we get guys who respond to rejection or being Friend Zoned by freaking the fuck out at women.
The pattern is fairly simple:
Guy likes girl.
Guy works up nerve to ask out girl.
Girl says no.
Guy calls her a whore and a cocktease before going on to rant to his friends online and on Facebook about how women don’t appreciate a Nice Guy. For extra bonus points, they may include this in their OKCupid profiles.
Now admittedly, this is territory that I’ve covered before, but it’s been a subject that is fairly evergreen and recent tumblrs like Nice Guys of OKCupid and OKCupid Goldmine have sparked the conversation again over how hard guys have it in dating and it’s so unfair.
Now I will be the first to tell you: being shot down sucks. But you have two ways of dealing with it. You can bitch, moan and whine…
Or you can deal with it like a man1
- Normally I try to avoid gendered phrases like this that carry the implication that acting like an adult is a masculine trait and that whining and complaining is a feminine one. But since I’m addressing guys in this case, it feels apt to use the gendered pronoun. It’s not about men vs. women, it’s the difference between acting like a boy or a grown-ass adult. [↩]