Hi Doctor Nerdlove,
I have something that I need to get off of my chest: I dislike one of my girlfriend’s guy friends. Let’s call him Q to protect the names of the innocent and not so innocent, as you say.
Whenever someone mentions Q my girlfriend lights up and says how much she loves the guy, I usually have a brief moment where I think about fighting him. That kind of reaction is not healthy and I should stop, but given the history between Q and I stopping is difficult at times.
A while ago Q and I were acquaintances and we were messing around with each other play-fighting and then he got pissed off and punched me in the face. Since we were at university, I didn’t fight back because I knew we would both be expelled with no questions asked. After that I decided I’d rather not hang out with him. In a separate incident, Q took out his switchblade and publicly threatened to kill one of my friends because my friend had a bad break up with a girl Q liked. That threat really exacerbated my friend’s anxiety and he ended up leaving school and it worked out great for Q because he ended up sleeping with that girl. No one at the university took action over that threat (dozens of people saw it) and I feel guilty for not reporting it myself. My girlfriend doesn’t know about any of this as far as I know.
I really don’t like Q and I feel like I have good reasons not to, and yet my girlfriend likes him. Now don’t get me wrong; I think my girlfriend can choose whomever she wants to be her friend. Maybe she knows things about Q that would make me change my mind despite the way I know him. But I don’t know how to tell her I dislike Q without hurting the relationship I have with my girlfriend. I also don’t know how to act if I am in a room with Q and my girlfriend at the same time. That scenario hasn’t happened yet, but I have a feeling it could and I want to be ready. I’d also like some general advice about how to deal with people my girlfriend likes but I can’t stand.
Thanks for your reality slap,
-Off My Chest