I am going through some personal conflicts and was researching on Google and came across your page. I have a somewhat tricky situation that I have never been in before and would like to know a professional’s opinion.
My boyfriend, whom I’ve been dating for 10 months now, is best friends with his ex and that bothers me a little. He has known her for 8+ years. They started as best friends, dated for some years and decided that they don’t work well as a couple and should go back to being best friends again. She is an important part of his life and they cherish their friendship which I find admirable honestly. They talk/chat daily. He doesn’t hide anything. He talks to her in front of me, hangs out with her once a month as she lives a bit far away now
He has been pretty clear about his past with me since the beginning. We used to live nearby so all 3 of us hung out together and I didn’t see any red flags. The ex is genuinely a precious human being and really good at heart. She is really nice to me too and always encourages/roots for my relationship with him. I like her too. I trust her as well. I have assumed things in the past when I was feeling jealous and have always been proven wrong.
He asked me how involved I want to be in that dynamic of theirs during our 1st month of dating, and I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal for me and I insisted that she can stay a part of his life however he wanted. When I felt jealous of them tickling each other or clicking pictures with hands on each other’s shoulders – I brought it up but he said that she’s like family and asked if I don’t tickle my family member? I completely am ok with such behavior with any other person but not her. Maybe because I cannot get over the fact that they used to be a couple. And sometimes when they are in a conversation with each other, I feel like I’m the side character and like they are the main characters.
I asked him if he loves her – he said no, he loves her only as a friend and that he loves me. Even though she is perfect – they are not good together. He reminds me how much it means to him that I am letting him be friends with his ex. His ex also idolizes me as I boost her up too and he is appreciative of that as well.
I am not sure why it still bothers me. Maybe it is something I never dealt with before or don’t know how to deal with. I don’t think that he’s going to cheat on me but whenever he tells me that he’s going to hang out with her or makes plans with her, it bothers me. I have Googled a lot regarding this and there are mixed views on this topic. I don’t want to end up like – “how could you not see the red flags”. I am scared to get hurt as I love him a lot and he loves me too and would like your perspective on this. Please advise me on ways to become less bothered by this.
Little Green-Eyed Monster