• Archives
  • Contact Me
  • The Secret Origin of Dr. NerdLove
  • Dr. NerdLove Store
  • Dr. NerdLove’s Affiliate Store

Paging Dr. NerdLove

Love, Sex and Dating For The Modern Nerd

Search The Archives

  • Books
  • Podcasts
  • The Grimes Test
  • Ask Dr. NerdLove
  • The Basics
  • Private Coaching
  • Contact Me

I Took The Red Pill. Why Am I Still Not Happy?

September 21, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi,

I’m gonna keep my name private but I truly hope that you are having a great day and I hope your writing has brought fulfilment to your life as well as in the lives of your readers. With that said I wanted to ask you a question, I essentially want to know if you’re serious or if your take on women is just for clicks because it runs so contrary to everything I’ve seen.

To me it seems pretty obvious that the “toxic masculinity” you think is evil is 100% (and yes I do mean 100%) perpetuated women who you seem to love bending the knee for. I found the red pill about a year ago and I wasn’t shocked at all that guys are getting together and confirming these things about women because I already knew all of it was true. I get a decent amount of attention from women, I have the 6 6’s women want minus that sweet 6 figure income as I’m still young, I’m no PUG as it were but I do pretty well.

I’ve pretty much decided from what I’ve seen that modern women are not fit for relationships. They don’t know how to even handle the fact that men are not made of stone yet they constantly neg men to open up only to lose attraction, they’ve become walking contradictions, they have little to no temperance and they sure as fuck can’t pairbond or display loyalty. As much as it disappoints me to say it, they are pretty much only good for sex because all they do in relationships is try to jam you into a box to fit their delusions. As much as I want to, I can’t override my biological need for sex and female companionship. I think if toxic masculinity exists, it exists because women punish men who don’t fit into that box and men are such simps they bend themselves over backwards to be what women want. I can’t keep doing this. I used to have self esteem, I used to think hey I’m outgoing, I’m charming, I’m tall, good looking, personable, got my degree, I can get women when I need to. But dealing with women in relationships, being charming or socially confident means nothing because there are guys who are better, being 6’1 means nothing because there are guys who are taller, being a former competitive soccer player who has abs and is in shape means nothing because there’s some asshole who’s more ripped or has harder abs. Having a 7 inch dick doesn’t mean anything because there’s a bigger one their somewhere, having a decent job prospects doesn’t mean anything because there’s a guy somewhere who makes more.

Bottom line it’s never good enough and I’m sick of it, god knows how shorter, balding, introverted guys feel about women. I want to go back to liking myself, I want my self esteem and my masculinity back. Usually as soon as I start thinking this way I meet some girl who will convince me she’s different only to realize she’s not because all women are like that. Do you have any advice on how to override this biological weakness? I feel like I can accomplish so much with my life but I can’t continue to let women get in the way. The Manosphere doesn’t seem to have any real advice on this issue as far I can find. It mostly seems like losers who can’t get laid with a few men who have extensive experience with women and won’t give it up sprinkled in. So I figured I’d ask a beta, male feminist, however you wanna brand yourself idk, instead.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Looking In The Mirror

P.S Fight Club is the greatest movie of all time (110% serious) but the matrix trilogy is kind of overrated and Joker was ruined by joaquin phoenix’s complete lack of personality or charisma.

Well, I’ll give you this much LITM: you introduced me to a new concept I hadn’t heard yet. I actually had to look up “The 6 6’s” on Google. To spare everyone else the trouble, yes, it’s exactly as obvious as you think:

  • Six feet tall
  • Six inch penis (or more)
  • Six figure salary
  • Six hundred horsepower car
  • Six pack abs
  • Six months out of a previous relationship

Now, there’s a whole lot to unpack here — starting with the fact that 6′ tall dudes are around than 10% of the world’s population and if you needed that to get laid, the human race would’ve died out a long, long time ago — but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away.

The bigger issue here is that, honestly, you’re really close to getting to the root of your problem, but you keep swerving at the last minute. Like, so close:

“The Manosphere doesn’t seem to have any real advice on this issue as far I can find. It mostly seems like losers who can’t get laid with a few men who have extensive experience with women and won’t give it up sprinkled in.”

As the saying goes: before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you aren’t surrounded by assholes. The reason why you’re miserable isn’t because women aren’t punishing men who don’t fit into a box, it’s because you’re taking advice from dudes who:

a) have no idea what women actually want 
b) have convinced themselves that manipulation, head games and outright emotional abuse are the ways of keeping a relationship
c) tell other men to live up to literally impossible standards in order to get what they want and that they’ll never be enough.
d) also tell other men that things like “emotional openness”, “vulnerability”, or “compassion” are weaknesses that make them beta pussy cucks.

Your story is one I can recite by heart, man. You struggled meeting women, you had a hard time connecting with folks and probably got your heart broken a couple of times. You — like Mr. Oblivious above — took someone breaking up with you as a personal insult; something that was  done to you maliciously because fuck you, penis, THAT’S WHY. And, like so many other folks, you went to dodgy corners of the Internet and found other people complaining about similar experiences. You found it compelling because they were — in your own words — “confirming these things about women because I already knew all of it was true.”

This is, quite literally, the definition of confirmation bias: “the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one’s prior beliefs or values.” You didn’t find a group of free-thinkers trading in forbidden knowledge, who woke you up to how the world “really is”, you found a bunch of angry dudes who were ready to blame women for the fact they weren’t getting the rewards they were promised for being “real men”. It’s an echo chamber full of folks who were ready to feed you what you already believed and you never stopped to examine it for longer than a half second because hey, you already believed it.

And since then, you’ve been desperately trying to fit the world into this worldview and the pain you’re experiencing is that it won’t conform to what you believe. 

But look, you’re here, you’re asking for help and I’m going to help you. And I am going to be 100% sincere here. I’m not going to dunk on you or mock you; I want help you stop hurting. I am, however, going to be blunt, and if you want the pain you’re feeling to stop, then you’re gonna have to let go of your defensiveness and — in the words of Morpheus — free your mind.

Now if you want to get better, let’s start with an obvious question. Leave aside the whole “6 6’s” thing for a moment and ask yourself this: why should any woman want to date someone who very clearly doesn’t like them? I mean, even if we allow for all of it being true (it’s not) and you’re this swaggering six pack with a muscle car and a porn-star dick… why would a woman want to date someone who holds her entire gender in contempt? What is going to entice a woman to want to spend any amount of time with someone who says “[women] are pretty much only good for sex”? What incentive would they have to date someone who insists “they have little to no temperance and they sure as fuck can’t pairbond or display loyalty”?

If you want to understand why women don’t want to date you… that’s a pretty good place to start. No woman out there is interested in spending time with someone who doesn’t like them, doesn’t respect them and can’t be bothered to actually treat them like people. And before you respond with “well they don’t deserve my respect”, you may want to start with the fact that you’re starting from a place of contempt. You’re setting the entire tone by coming to this from a place where you believe that they should “earn” respect from you without giving them a single reason for wanting your respect in the first place. You say that they don’t display loyalty, but why should they be loyal to you? What have you done to earn it? You say they can’t pairbond, but the issue isn’t can’t, it’s won’t because why in pluperfect fuckery should they want to bond with someone who feels this way.

(And let’s be real man: you ain’t hiding this attitude from anyone.)

Our second question is just as simple and just as obvious: If you have those 6’s, why should women want to date you? I mean, ignoring the whole question of “so, exactly how are you trying to tell women about the salary and your penis”, why should women want to date you, specifically, instead of some other dude who’s got the same stats? What is it about you that makes you special and desirable if there’s other dudes out there who’re just as tall and just as ripped and just as wealthy? Because, I hate to break it to you, man, but none of that is that special or interesting. As the saying goes: “dick is abundant and of low value”. What do you bring to the table that would make women want to date you over someone else? Because if it’s just about the numbers, then you’re shit out of luck man; there’s no reason why any woman shouldn’t just hold out for something better.

(And that’s without getting into the question of all of those shorter, balder dudes who don’t make six figures who, oddly enough, still date, have sex, get married and have kids. And for all that you can claim that their wives and girlfriends are cheating on the side, you’re gonna have to give some actual evidence. And fair warning, that’s going to be a pretty high bare to clear. It’s gonna require more than forum posts or a link to a study where you couldn’t be bothered to even read the entire abstract, never mind the actual procedures and conclusions.)

The next question: you say men aren’t made of stone, but women lose attraction when they open up. OK, cool. So, let’s have a hypothetical here: what would happen if you admitted to being scared and lost and terrified to your Red Pill bros? Not frustrated or angry or resentful but terrified, knowing that you can’t last another day. If you were to break down crying in front of your Red Pill bros, what, precisely, do you think would happen? And I don’t mean a single man tear, but straight up sobbing because it’s all been too much. Would they hug you, let you know that you’re not alone and that it’s all going to be ok? Would they comfort you and then, when the tears dried, help you get access to the resources you needed? Or would they call you a pussy, tell you to man up, find your balls and quit being such a little bitch?  If the woman of your dreams broke your heart, would they commiserate with you, support you as you felt the fuck out of your feelings and helped you put the pieces of your life back together? Or would they tell you to forget that bitch and go fuck ten other girls to get over her? Or, for that matter, would they tell you that this happened because some other dude, with better abs and more money was probably giving her the long-dick fucking you never could?

For that matter, when, precisely, is the last time you’ve been that genuinely open and vulnerable with any of them? Or are women the only people you ever let yourself open up to?

I ask because one of the biggest reasons why men buy into the idea that women lose attraction when they open up isn’t because they don’t like emotional men. It’s because men are taught to be so distanced from their feelings, to force everything down, that they have no healthy emotional outlets. The problem isn’t that women don’t like emotional men, it’s that men tend to repress everything until they vomit all their feelings all at once… and usually on someone they’re dating. The problem isn’t the emotions or opening up, it’s the fact that they dump it all out at once and expect the women in their lives to act as both mother and therapist. And while some women may do the “I can heal this broken bird” thing, they will almost always do it once, because women have their own lives to live. They don’t have the time, inclination or energy to nurse someone else into emotional maturity. Especially someone who made it clear that he doesn’t like or trust them.

Speaking of trust though, that leads to our next question: could you trust your Red Pill bros? Not with your life but, say, with your deepest, darkest secrets? Could you could you tell them something deeply personal — maybe humiliating, maybe something you regret or something you’re afraid of — and expect them to not only keep it secret but not to use it against you in some way? For that matter, could you trust any woman you date with your Red Pill bros? Could you, in good conscience, let her hang out with any of the guys you’ve learned from? Would you trust them not to make a move on your girlfriend… or worse? And if one of them did do something, could you trust any of them to have your back? Or would it be a case that you should’ve known better and if someone else could pull her, then clearly you weren’t enough for her?

I mean, just between you, me and everyone who reads this column: we all know the answer is “no”. Because the truth is that the system you’ve bought into tells you that you can’t relax. You can’t ever let your guard down, because someone else is going to take advantage. After all, one of the surest ways to prove your masculine credentials is to dominate someone else and take theirs.

Since there’s always a bigger fish — or I guess, a bigger dick or bigger abs or someone with more money — you can’t ever be secure in your relationship. You have to constantly be on the look out for potential threats — other guys who’re waiting for you to show weakness or an opportunity to slide into your girl’s pants.

There’s actually a term for this: hypervigilance. And, as it turns out, putting yourself in situations where you believe that you’re constantly stressed, unable to relax and you can’t trust anyone and you can’t measure up for long periods of time can fuck your head. Like, say, if you can’t trust women because they’re always going to leave you but you can’t trust men because they’re always looking for an opportunity to cuck you.

Last question: who’s told you that you’re not enough? Who’s actually told you that you don’t measure up? And I don’t mean “by implication”, I mean actually said this to you, in those words. Because I can guarantee you: it wasn’t the women you were dating. Free hint: it was your Red Pill bros, man. The calls are calling from inside the house.

But hey, let’s put this into something you might understand a little more. I’m entirely unsurprised you’re a Fight Club fan. I mean, no shade, so I’m I; you can’t swing a stick without hitting a Fight Club reference around here.

I really wasn’t kidding…

But like a lot of folks, you missed… pretty much the whole point of Fight Club. The most obvious is the fact that Tyler Durden doesn’t actually exist and nobody actually sees him. We see Tyler, because movie, but nobody else can. When Marla is all hot and bothered and turned on and getting fucked like a champion, she’s not getting it from Brad Pitt in all his carved-from-abs glory, she’s getting it from Ed Norton, as schlubby as you can imagine. Just as importantly, there’s the fact that Tyler is explicitly what the Narrator thinks he’s supposed to be. This ain’t subtext; it’s text. “All the ways you wish you could be, that’s me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.” Except Tyler doesn’t actually make things better for the Narrator; trying to be Tyler is what makes everything worse — to the point that the Narrator tries to blow his head off instead.

You know the first — and last — time that the Narrator is actually happy? When he’s in group therapy. When he cries. It may be under false pretenses, and it’s an incredibly unhealthy way of getting his needs met, but when he’s able to open up, be emotional and just let everything out? It’s the best he’s ever felt. Again, this is literally the text of the movie: “even babies don’t sleep this well.” But once Tyler is an active force in the Narrator’s life, he doesn’t sleep well ever again; he spends the rest of the story in a state of constant sleep deprivation, suffering from the same insomnia he’d been dealing with at the start. It’s why he starts having black-outs and why Tyler is able to implement so much of his plans without the Narrator’s knowledge.

Tyler — and Fight Club — are manifestly making his life worse.

And just as importantly is the fact that Tyler’s message is “ok, you haven’t been given the rewards you were promised for being men. The answer is to step away from society’s demands to be men by… doing all the things society says men are supposed to do and be all the things that men are supposed to be.” Literally everything that Fight Club — and Project Chaos — embodies is what Tyler says is the problem. It’s all about giving up your identity to what someone else say you should be in order to get nebulous rewards that aren’t coming anyway.

So, dude. You’re hurting. I get that. You’re miserable. I empathize. You want to feel like you’re enough, to have your self-esteem back and feel good for once.  I totally get that.

It’s incredibly simple. You even stumbled across it yourself: “The Manosphere doesn’t seem to have any real advice on this issue as far I can find. It mostly seems like losers who can’t get laid with a few men who have extensive experience with women and won’t give it up sprinkled in.”

You’ve surrounded by people who’ve been telling you, over and over again, that you’re not enough. That you can’t trust anyone, that women will never love you and that you can’t trust men. You will never measure up because there will always be someone “better”. That is the entire problem.

Step away from the Red Pill community. Delete the bookmarks, close your accounts, forget your logins. Spend… let’s say, six weeks doing a digital detox. You don’t need to read bell hooks or Susie Bright or anything, just spend six weeks away from any and all Red-Pill and adjacent communities. Reconnect with friends outside the community, spend some time taking walks out in nature, even just read a book or two for pleasure. Don’t worry about dating, women or any of the rest.

You will be astounded at how much better you feel.

And from there… well, the next step would probably talking to a counselor, because you’re in a lot of pain and that’s not gonna go away on its own.

But before you can stop hurting, you’re gonna have to spit out the Red Pill. Because, I hate to tell you this: that pain you feel isn’t premature enlightenment. It’s just poison. And it’s been eating you up from the inside.

Is There Any Way To Save My Relationship?

September 14, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hey Doc,

I’m 24 and male, mostly interested in women, and I feel like I’m in a weird place because I’m having trouble finding a committed partner. I feel like I’m a bit behind, and I’m not sure where to go from here.

I have a degree, I’m working towards my dream career, in my dream city, I have many friends, skills, and hobbies, and on the whole, the only thing that seems missing is a loving, committed partner.

I seek it out, and I do find connection, good connection even, and yet after a few dates, it always seems to end. They’re too busy, or they aren’t feeling it, or I’m not feeling it, and I’m back to square one in a month or less.

I feel almost “behind” in this respect, as I have old friends from college with years-long relationships, and others who are more committed and stable in this area of life than I am, and it feels like I’m doing something wrong. I do research connection-building quite a bit, but it hasn’t quite gotten me where I want to be yet.

Some would say I’ve not yet found the “right person,” but it really feels like I have, but it’s been the wrong time, or it’s my fault for not presenting myself “right.” I was also kind of an awkward nerd as a kid and into college. I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 22, and that lasted only two months, my longest relationship to date, and I was a virgin until 23, and I’ve never had sex with a partner, only a few casual encounters here and there. This makes me feel worse, because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere in building romantic relationships with others, and that frustrates me.

I guess my questions here are along the lines of “how do I do better?” How do I get myself in a place where I find partners trying to build something like I am? I try to date when I can, and seek out people I can talk to, and enjoy getting to know, but it seems like I’m still not quite getting it right…

-Too Old for this Shit

[Read more…]

Episode #144 — Use This Mindset To Overcome Your Self-Limiting Beliefs

June 3, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Over the course of my career, I’ve dealt with a lot of people who haven’t had much dating experience — from people who’ve only had one or two girlfriends in their lives to literal 40 year old virgins.

They all had in one thing common: they had the same fears, beliefs and anxieties regarding dating and women that made them give up.

Here’s how to break through your dating fears, conquer your anxiety and overcome your self-limiting beliefs.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

  • How we project our anxieties onto other people
  • How self-limiting beliefs hold us back
  • Why our brains trick us into giving up
  • Why we give up control so easily
  • How to let go of fear

…and so much more.

RELATED LINKS: 

Unlearning Helplessness

Your Attitude Controls Your Dating Success

These Self-Limiting Beliefs are Holding You Back

Develop An Abundance Mentality

The Value of Failure

Listen Here
Download Here


Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

[Read more…]

Should I Reach Out To My Ex?

May 25, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi Doctor,

This is the author to the “Momma Drama” letter from a couple of years ago, and I want to start by thanking you for your response to my first post. But, here we are, two years down the line, and I have another question about the same woman: namely, should I get back in touch with my ex, S?

A few weeks after I sent my last letter, S broke up with me because she realized she wasn’t ready for a new relationship – I told her that I understood and we broke up on good terms. Soon afterwards, however, things started going downhill. S would regularly come into the bar while I was working, pull me aside, make out with me, and ask me to text her about getting drinks. We continued to text regularly, but every time I inquired about meeting up, she would ghost me. This continued for months, and eventually I tried to confront her about the making out, the ghosting, and clarifying what she wanted our relationship to be because she was sending such mixed messages. She ignored my concerns, and never gave me the opportunity to have an honest discussion.

I tried not contacting her for stretches, but eventually, she would come into the bar, stick her tongue down my throat, and ask to grab drinks again. A few months after we’d broken up, she even introduced me to her son while I was working, and between this and the persistent kissing, I hoped this meant she wanted to start dating again. Still, she never responded to my requests. The fact that she would regularly socialize where I worked without making time for us to meet up really hurt – I understood that between her job and her son, she was very busy, but she was a regular fixture at the bar even when I wasn’t working and clearly could’ve made time for me if she would’ve liked. Needless to say, I was still crazy about her and the whole situation was very confusing for me, but my attempts at clarification were consistently ignored – I didn’t know what to do.

Eventually, I got a new job, so the next time S came in, we made out, and I told her that I wouldn’t be working full-time at the bar anymore. I asked if we could talk about dating again, when she was ready – she said okay, and I told her that I’ll reach out. When I did, she never responded, and that was the last time I saw her for months. I started my new job, and we would intermittently text, usually with her reaching out to me. I heard she was still coming into the bar, but I was working there only one day a week, so I didn’t see her, and I gave up on trying to meet up. After a while, I started dating someone else, D, and S stopped texting altogether, so I thought this period of my life was over.

Then, later that year, I was at another bar, and S came in with a guy. I ignored her, but on their way out, she grabbed me and told me they were on the way to the bar where I worked. I’d had a few drinks, and was upset with how she had treated me, so I followed them to the bar. I pulled S aside and told her how much she had hurt me and that I didn’t want her coming into the bar again. She said that she was willing to get beers to talk about it, and went back to her friend. The next day, I reached out to apologize to being so angry and confronting her as I did, but said I really was hurt by her behavior and would like the opportunity to talk things over. I never heard back.

S started intermittently coming into the bar while I was working, and I felt trapped. I had blocked her on social media and stopped texting her, but when she came into where I worked, there was nothing I could do. I asked her to talk in private to reiterate that I didn’t want her there when I was working – her response was always “are you mad at me?” I just wanted her to leave me alone and she would not, so I grew increasingly frustrated.

A few months later, D and I broke up amicably, and S came into the bar again. I went to confront her, but she hugged me, and all the old attractions came rushing back. We caught up and were friendly, so I reached out later to grab a drink. We scheduled drinks, but she flaked and again started ghosting me. A while later, I texted her saying that if she didn’t want to meet up, she could’ve at least been upfront about that. She replied saying she thought we were cool, and I responded that no, we weren’t cool, because she had ignored all of my requests to meet up and to stay out of the bar. She said that if I need to say something, we could get coffee.

I was very nervous for coffee, both because I was embarrassed for my texting tirade and because I was hoping that coffee might lead to something more. I explained to S that I was upset about her leading me on, ghosting me, and ignoring my requests to stay out of the bar. She made a half-hearted apology, before asking if it was okay for her to come to the bar again. I tried to show her that I wasn’t comfortable with it, but when she pushed, I said it was fine, because I was trying to move past the situation. After that, we caught up, hugged, and she agreed that she would like to get drinks.

My next shift, she came into the bar with some friends, but we didn’t interact. The next day, I texted her to get drinks, and got no response. A few days later, I tried again. Again, no response. This upset me because I had made it clear that I didn’t want her in the bar if she was going to ghost me, so before my next shift, I told her to never talk to me or come into the bar while I was working again. She responded quickly, asking why I was doing this. I did not respond for a week and a half, when I apologized for the drama, confessed that I still really liked her, and said that I was really hurt that she was ghosting me again. These were long-winded texts, and I never got a response, but she did stop coming into the bar and I haven’t heard from her since, which was eight or nine months ago. Not seeing her has really helped me heal from this relationship, and while I’m embarrassed that I had to scare her away with crazy, I’m grateful that she has finally given me the space I needed to let go.

At this point, I am thinking about reaching out to S and apologizing. I’ve had significant developments in my life that have put me in a much better mental space, so I believe that there is little risk of me being hurt by her again. First, I am no longer working at the bar. It closed for quarantine and I do not plan on returning when it reopens. Additionally, I’ve learned a lot about relationships in the past couple of years and I know that I made a lot of mistakes dealing with S. Finally, I found out that a medication I have been taking for years has side effects of anxiety and depression. I have stopped taking this medication, and the results have been extraordinary – I feel so much more positive and mentally healthy. Overall, I am in a much better place and am ready to move past this chapter in my life.

For these reasons, I am ready to apologize to S for my idiotic behavior and clear things up. Obviously, she was not ready to date anyone while we were together, and I should have let my pain go instead of holding onto it. I also should’ve maintained stronger boundaries after we broke up and clarified that making out was off the table if we weren’t going to have an honest discussion about where we were emotionally. Additionally, I would like to clarify, this is not to get her back – last I heard, she has a boyfriend. Finally, I do not expect her to apologize. She has already apologized and me reaching out is about me making amends. Simply put, I want to make sure things are okay between us and to wish her well during this difficult time.

So, Doctor, do you think it is a good idea to reach out to S and, if so, how do you recommend going about it?

Thanks,

Momma Drama 2: More Drama

[Read more…]

How Do I Find The Strength To Fix My Broken Life?

May 1, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove,

I am 46 years old. When I was 35, my husband and I had a terrible divorce with custody battle.  I won, but I had to give up my dreams of moving home to another state as a condition of custody. I put everything on hold to care for them, including a couple of relationships that ended because they weren’t conducive to family. One of which devastated me because I actually fell in love but he had no intention of committing to what I had to offer.

My eldest daughter moved out at 17, exiting with lots of drama as was her usual, and left me feeling battered. My youngest and I ended up breaking away and moving home right when she started high school. I may be home but I feel like I haven’t integrated back into my life. I don’t date, I barely socialize, my job is high stress, and when I get home I fall into my recliner and I am brain dead. As a result I have gained 40 lbs.

I need to get up and change everything, job, my health, socialize more, but I can’t seem to get my tail in gear. How can I find motivation when I have this crushing feeling that my life is over that I am too old and fat and tired?

I have this feeling that I am going to be alone forever if I sit here doing nothing day after day, but I can’t get out of this recliner except to do the exact same things that end up with me being fat, and tired, and lonely in this rut.

Can you help?

Still In A Cage

[Read more…]

« Previous Page
Next Page »

About Dr. NerdLove:

Harris O'Malley (AKA Dr. NerdLove) is an internationally recognized blogger and dating coach who gives dating advice to geeks of all stripes. Making nerds sexier since 20011

Remember: Dr. NerdLove is not really a doctor. [Read More …]

Connect With Dr. NerdLove

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Categories

Like Us On Facebook

Facebook Pagelike Widget

Become a Dr. NerdLove Patron

Virtual Tip Jar

private coaching is available at doctornerdlove.com/private-coaching

Out Now!

My new dating guide, New Game + is available at Amazon.com , iTunes and everywhere books are sold.

Recent Comments

  • Belinda "He went on multiple dates with her, knowing his girlfriend wouldn't have been okay with that, they kissed." Yeah, and it's not just that they went out and kissed. He developed a rapport with this...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • One True Guest See I think this is where I'm confused. If for you this doesn't count as cheating, why would it therefore matter if your partner told you it happened? That's what I don't get. Either the person has...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Enail The value in telling her would be that she gets to have fully informed choice of if she wants to be in this relationship and what she needs to be able to happily do that. I can understand disagreeing...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Robjection
    Having been cheated on in various relationships, and I don't really consider what happened with the LW "cheating", if it's something as simple and passing as happened here, I don't need to...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

  • Jimmy Two-Hammers "But you seemed to be framing it that there was something less valid or missing the point about my opinion or those of others saying similar things because we weren't addressing what was kinder, so I...

    Our Relationship Had An Unhealthy Start. Can We Ever Move On? ·  January 16, 2021

Popular Posts

What Couples Can Learn From Gomez and Morticia AddamsWhat Couples Can Learn From Gomez and Morticia Addams
Socially Awkward Isn’t An ExcuseSocially Awkward Isn’t An Excuse
Nerds and Male PrivilegeNerds and Male Privilege
On Labeling Women “Crazy”On Labeling Women “Crazy”
When Masculinity Fails MenWhen Masculinity Fails Men

Archives

Tags

abusive relationships ask dr. nerdlove attitude attraction be a better man be a better person boundaries break up cheating communication confidence dating Don't Be A Creeper emotional abuse emotional health emotional intelligence flirting level up lifestyle masculinity Meeting Women mental health oneitis online dating podcast podcasts rejection relationship maintenance relationships self-esteem self-improvement self-limiting beliefs sex sexual compatibility sexuality skills social skills talking to women the friend zone toxic masculinity toxic relationships use your words virginity what not to do youtube