I’m lucky enough to have many single female friends who are active on the dating scene, especially ones who like to share with me their dating exploits. It provides me with a window into a world that – as a man – I have limited experience with, and helps give a much-appreciated perspective on just how men’s behavior gets interpreted. And let me tell you: hearing some of my friends’ horror stories, whether from online dating or the bar scene is an eye-opening experience about men’s behavior when it comes to trying to get laid.
It also provides a great deal of insight into guys’ psyche. As I’ve written before, men have a complicated love/hate relationship with masculine sexuality. We’re defined by our sexual conquests, but we’re limited in just who we’re supposed to be desiring; someone whose preference deviates from the culturally defined standards of beauty is less of a man. We’re supposed to want to fuck many, many women but we’re also taught that the women who let us fuck them are to be seen with contempt. Moreover, we’re taught over and over again that women are the gatekeepers to sex because they want sex less, based on gender roles and misunderstandings about female sexuality, and this leads to the combative, antagonistic dating roles that are promoted by Pick-Up Artists and the various Red Pill blogs and forums.
As a result: what we’re supposed to want is in conflict with what we actually want and are into. We’re supposed to want to fuck women we don’t respect – or even like very much – and then shame them for letting us fuck them. We’re supposed to treat women as the obstacle in getting what we want, which is access to their bodies, to pride ourselves in being masterful lovers and desirable seducers, but to pay less concern to women’s desires except in as much as it lets us get our nuts off. Even guys who pride themselves in their ability to get women off treat it as a referendum on their skill rather than a genuine interest in women’s pleasure and enjoyment. And when men see women hooking up with jerks and assholes, it leads to them thinking that getting sex equals being a rude, pushy asshat.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to get the sex you want – whether a casual no-strings-attached hook up, a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or a committed relationship – without being a dick about it.
Or as I like to call it: how to fuck like a gentleman.