sexual compatibility Archives - Paging Dr. NerdLove

We’re Still In Love… So Why Aren’t We Having Sex?

February 28, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove,

I really enjoy reading your advice. You hit the nail on the head every time. Hoping you might have some for me.

I’ve been seeing for someone for about 8 months who’s an absolutely wonderful person; she’s 28, I’m 33. We met on Hinge. Our relationship has been great. We see each other every day and sleep over at each others houses every night. Here’s the problem I’m needing your help with: when we began our relationship we had a healthy, normal about of sex but about a month ago it all kinda stopped. I think it’s me honestly because she’s done nothing wrong, I just don’t have a ton of interest in having sex with her. I love our time together. I love doing everything with her. She and I have such similar interests and outlooks and ways we want to do things and I just love her. BUT I’m only very rarely interested in having sex with her. Like more than a week can pass with me not being interested. To be clear, she is always down to bang, but she doesn’t really initiate it and hasn’t really complained about the lack of it.

I have an extensive sexual history so I’m not sure what’s happening here but it’s happened in past relationships too. Tonight I cleared the air and brought up the fact that we haven’t had sex in two plus weeks. It didn’t go over very well. We were really honest with each other and she told me that she feels like she’s not good enough for me/feels insufficient. It’s not true because I love her and when we do have sex it’s awesome.

Should I stay with her and maybe schedule regular sex sessions? Should we get some counseling? Do I belong in a relationship at all? I really love her but sex is an important part of a relationship.

Sorry for rambling, any advice you can provide would be appreciated.

-Love Her but Can’t Seem to Make Love to Her

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ASK DR. NERDLOVE: How Do You Keep The Spark In Your Relationship?

January 22, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

I’m answering your most important dating questions! If you have a question about love, sex or dating, then be sure to leave a comment. Maybe the next question I answer will be yours!

This week: How do you keep your relationship from fading into boredom? What’s the secret to keeping the spark making your long-term relationship feel as fresh and hot and alive as when you first met?

Book A Private Coaching Session With Dr. NerdLove

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Episode #130 – How to Find the PERFECT Girlfriend

January 1, 2020 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

How do you find someone who’s the RIGHT girlfriend for you… and how do you make sure that YOU are the guy that SHE’S looking for? We’re going to talk about what you can do to turn 2020 into the year you meet someone who is your perfect match, and how to be the exact right man for her as well.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

Why online dating is the WRONG approach for trying to find the perfect girlfriend
How men sabotage their own success when they go out to meet women
Why even successful, socially skilled men meet the WRONG women
How to let go of the self-limiting beliefs that are keeping you from unlocking your true potential
How understanding exactly what and who you’re looking for will help you meet the right woman for you.

… and so much more

RELATED LINKS:

How To Find The Right Woman For You

How To Get Women To Approach You

5 Questions You Should Ask Before Starting A Relationship

What To Look For In A Girlfriend

Is She Right For You?

Listen Here
Download Here

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Become a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: She Had Wild Sex With Other Guys. Why Not With Me?

September 9, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Hi Doc, I wonder if you can write on the topic of getting over women’s sexual histories, especially when they’ve gone through long hook-up/casual dating periods and a man has not. Or maybe about guys who’re plagued by feelings of not measuring up in experience, number of partners, degrees of wildness, etc. I think many of your readers will be going through this as well, dealing with feelings of insecurity and perhaps craving some of the wild things or numbers of partners they hear of friends doing, hear of their dates or girlfriends doing, but none of which has ever been extended to them.

Obviously this is largely a personal request–I had a potential partner I was interested in tell me she’s been through a hook-up phase, had threesomes with previous boyfriends, but wouldn’t be doing any of that again. I didn’t press her on it, but it killed me to hear that, immediately and irrationally made me feel it’s about me. It made me feel like I’m not interesting or cool enough or exciting enough for her to be a bit wild with me, now that she’s had here YOLO moments. I think I’m really, maybe obsessively, struggling with thoughts of the ease with which many women can go wild if they so choose (I know that’s not the case for every or even most women, but it seems the case for those I’m attracted to). I am craving some wild experiences myself, if only so I no longer feel threatened by women who have had them and can graduate from feeling upset when I hear or suspect a woman I am interested in partook of orgies or something. For what it’s worth, I live in a major city where this kind of stuff is anecdotally not uncommon. Maybe I should be reading guides to make it happen for myself rather than tell myself I need to suppress these desires, though they are probably born of YOLO/FOMO, New York Times articles about orgies in NYC, porn, and a desire to make up for my entire 20s spent in depression despite having everything seemingly going for me.

Whatever thoughts you might share or write would be greatly appreciated.

Missing Out

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Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Stop Being Too Intimidating To Date?

August 23, 2019 by Dr. NerdLove Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. NerdLove:

I’m a single 35F cis/straight who’s nearly at the end of my rope with dating. I’d like to think I’m a halfway decent catch- good family, reasonably cute, well educated, no criminal record, etc. The problem is I think maybe I’m intimidating to guys? I’m a physician and am used to making life-critical decisions every day; medicine is still a fairly male-dominated industry, so I have learned to stick up for myself and not take BS from people; I make pretty good money and can afford what I want, so I don’t need a man to pull out his wallet and treat me…. In fact, more often than not I want to pay on a first date (1. I don’t think it’s fair that dudes have to go broke just to date, and 2. If I pay then I don’t owe you anything- we’ve all heard the stories about the jerk who Venmo’d the girl the cost of her drink cuz she didn’t go home and blow him).

But it’s not just money. All of the guys I’ve ever dated said they wanted a Strong, Clever, Independent woman, but when they get me it’s like they can’t deal with the fact that I’m strong or clever or independent (all things I love about myself). My last boyfriend actually got mad at me when my car broke down and I called AAA before I called him. He said my not being “more damsel-y” made him feel unneeded and emasculated. This has been a recurring theme in most of the ends of my post-college relationships. To make matters worse, I’m into BDSM and the rougher stuff… while I think being submissive in bed is a great way for me to balance the scales, turns out this seems like another reason guys turn tail and run.

At first I thought I was being too picky, but over the past 7 years I’ve taken my Deal Breaker list and refined it down to 1. Actually single, 2. Non-smoker, 3. College educated, 4. No kids. I don’t think I’m asking for that much! I communicate my feelings, don’t play games, and don’t expect a guy to know what I’m thinking or what I want unless I’ve explicitly told him. And yet, I’m about to rip my hair out. So I turn to you. How do I stay true to my inner Wonder Woman without inadvertently doing an emotional Lorena Bobbitt on my relationship?

Sincerely,
-What’s Wrong With Being Confident?

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