I am in my late twenties, and am in a long-term relationship with my first serious boyfriend, “D”. I grew up in a very conservative religious environment, so I was delayed when it came to dating/sex and have experienced a lot of sexual shame. While I had a few very short-lived and not very enjoyable sexual encounters before meeting D, he was the one who “took my virginity” (I hate that phrase but it’s most accurate I guess); I love him and I find our relationship very fulfilling.
I think it’s because of the unconditional love and support that he’s offered me that I was finally able to explore my sexuality, think critically about it, and finally accept that I am a bisexual woman. Unfortunately, being in a monogamous m/f relationship essentially makes this realization moot. When I told D that I am bisexual he was very supportive and said that if I needed to go out and kiss a woman to explore that side of my sexuality, he was okay with it, and I immediately rejected the offer, not wanting to jeopardize the relationship.
The issue is, now I wish I had taken him up on his offer; I love him so much and if I had to choose between exploring my sexuality with women and keeping him, I’d pick him. I’ve thought about bringing up the possibility of my having a short, casual fling or having a threesome with a woman so he can be involved, but I am really afraid that if he isn’t comfortable with it, he’ll feel guilty for taking that away from me (I’m not at all afraid of him being angry with me, but I’m afraid he might feel hurt/inadequate). I jokingly brought up the idea of having a threesome about six months ago, and while he wasn’t hostile towards the idea he didn’t seem interested, so I dropped it.
I am also concerned that maybe my desire to branch out is in part due to our sex life; the sex is frequent and intimate, but not terribly adventurous, though I do try to spice it up every once in a while. Maybe I should focus more on amping up our sex life as-is before trying to explore sex outside of the relationship? Or maybe I should be honest with D about how I’m feeling anyway?
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